Sunday, December 9, 2012

A Long December

"And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe,
Maybe this time will be better than the last.
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass". -Counting Crows

Counting Crows is one of my favorite musical groups. They seem to nail every emotion right on the head. The songs make you actually stop and think about the words said and make you look deeper to figure out what they are trying to say. At first you hear it and think, "That made no sense at all!" but that's when you have to listen to it again and really LISTEN to the words. Then everything falls into place.

This December so far has been pretty crazy and we're just a little over a week into it. Josh has been working nonstop and I'm counting down the days til Christmas break. It can't seem to come soon enough!

We finally closed on the land last week! Praise God that whole ordeal is over. Now to get ready for Christmas! Many presents I am trying to make homemade this year. It is a little more difficult and I'd much rather go out and just buy something but I know it will be more special to get something that time and effort was put into.  At least I hope that's the outcome!

In the last few weeks God has shown me more and more how I just need to rely on Him. When you think people will always be there for you and love you and be the person you once knew, you realize people change. The way they think, their attitude, their priorities. Sometimes everything changes and it's like you are looking at a stranger. It's when that realization hits you that God says," I am never changing".  Yes, your heart hurts because you wish things were like they once were. Yet, you see how situations and life in general has changed a person and even as that person has changed, so have you in one way or another. God has shown me sometimes it's not their fault. They don't even realize the person they have become or see the changes that have occurred. 
     Isn't that what life is all about though? Changing? Some may say, 'yes' while others say, 'no' and honestly I don't know that there is a right or wrong answer here. If you change for the better then I would say that is a good thing, your life was supposed to take that turn. When you change for the worse, I can't say that's how it was supposed to be. God is in control of everything though, isn't He? You may not see His hand but you have to believe His heart and that's where the trust comes in. He has shown me to keep my heart focused on him; to be thankful for the past and the present, being thankful for each moment as it passes.  Josh has been a huge help during this time as well. We have talked late into the night and he has held me as I cried for what once was.
     God has given me a wonderful husband to lean on! I thank Him daily for the man he has blessed me with.

So, what's the point to this whole post? In a nutshell, people change. Period. Sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. God doesn't ever change though. He has never changed and never will. Rely on Him because if you don't, I guarantee you are just making your life alot harder on yourself. Be thankful for every situation, for every change. God's hand is always at work even when you can't see it.

"I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower,
Makes you talk a little lower, about the things you could not show her".
                                                                                                    - A Long December, Counting Crows

Until next time,

Monday, October 15, 2012

Faith, Trust, and Us

Don't worry, I'm not dead. I'm just extremely busy. For those who may not have known I made it into the LPN program here in Burns Flat and it seems all I do is study for tests and take tests. We average between 3-4 tests a week and have already started clinicals. It is fast paced and I love it! I especially love the fact that after Tuesday we will be on Fall Break until the next Monday. Josh was able to get off the same days as me so we will be able to spend a few days together celebrating our 1 year anniversary.
    I cannot believe it's already been a year. Seems like just a few months ago we were saying 'I do'. Over this one year though I have found I love him more and more. He is my confidant, my rock, my best friend, my comedian...someone once told me, "Make sure you marry someone who can make you laugh, otherwise don't even think about it". There is something he is making laugh about daily. We really are two halves of a whole.
     Josh continues to learn new tools so he is able to go out on a variety of jobs. He left this morning to train on a new tool he hasn't worked with before. He likes the opportunity to learn and try new things when it comes to his work.
     We are hoping to close on the land here in the next week or two. It has been a long, drawn out process and I think we will both breath a sigh of relief when it's all finished.
      I wanted to share the following story because it is amazing to me how God will speak us and just how well he knows how to grab our attention:     A few months back I was sitting in church with Garrett (Josh's 5 year brother) sitting beside me. He had just came and sat down when God said to me,"There is a difference between faith and trust". I wasn't sure what He was trying to tell me but I continued to listen. He said,"You have faith in me to be your God. You know I will always be there for you, but you don't trust Me". I was about ready to argue with Him but He began showing me areas in my life I didn't trust Him in. Yes, I had faith that He would always be there as my God but didn't have trust to know that He would follow through with things as my Heavenly Father. As Garrett started to snuggle beside me God said,"He snuggles close beside you because he loves you and trusts you. Why can't you trust as a child and snuggle close to me?". I tried to give him excuses about why I didn't trust completely and why it was really hard but He just kept speaking to me. Garrett, at this point, had put his hand in mine and fallen asleep. As I sat there looking at Garrett and his tiny hand in mine God said, "Why can't you trust Me enough to be so comfortable with Me, you can just fall asleep in my arms. Look at his hand in yours, this is as your hand in Mine. I have held you since the beginning". Now, my heart is beginning to break because I saw how much my Heavenly Father just wanted my trust. He wanted my whole heart. Garrett's head had begun to stoop low and his neck looked painfully uncomfortable. I took him in my lap and placed him so that his neck was no longer in that awkward position. In doing so, my own neck began to ache and God said,"You move him so his neck doesn't hurt and allow the pain for yourself instead. How much more pain would I take from you as My child if you would let Me?".  I knew what God wanted of me and it has been a struggle but I realize it is also a daily choice. We must choose daily to trust our Heavenly Father fully, partly, or not at all. He just wants us to have the faith and trust of a Garrett with me.
    I guess that is all for now. I suspect you will see from me again around Thanksgiving, which is when my next longer break is.

Until next time,

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Time has Gotten Away

I can't believe it's been so long since I last wrote. I don't even know where to begin to explain what all has been going on. I guess let me start with saying, I've been busy. Work, husband, life in general has kept me on the go and when I finally do find time to just relax there seems to be something that needs to be done. Whether it's a load of laundry or dusting; or maybe it's just the fact I can't sit still for too lond so I am always finding something to do.
If you don't know, I have been accepted in the LPN program here in Burns Flat. I will start next month and will finish in about a year. I am excited and scared at the same time. I don't know how it will all work but I just have to have faith that God will work it out for me.
My job has gotten better. As you know, I really didn't like it at first but it seems the more I work there the more grace God has given me. He has given me more patience and a greater love for people. Don't get me wrong because I still have days where I just don't want to be there whatsoever but there are days too when I know it's what I'm supposed to be doing, for the time being anyway.
Josh has been keeping busy with work. He is continuing to learn more tools and they continue to have a job for him somewhere. I can't complain though. This last week he has come home to me just about every night
We have decided to buy land on his grandfather's farm. Another relative is wanting to sell his share and Josh wants to build a house on that land in the future. I support him 100% and think that although we may not be able to do anything with the land right now maybe ten years from now we can raise our kids there. The same way he was raised on that land too.
We went on a little vacation back at the end of May to Gatlinburg, Tennessee. It was beautiful! I told Josh if he ever got transferred to Tennessee I would not complain. It's just so peaceful. We stayed in a little secluded cabin up in the mountains and was able to drive through the Smokies and do some sight seeing.
We are going camping at the end of this month for a week. I am looking forward to it very much! A family friend was selling their little camper and it is just the right size for us. We bought it and Gabe is cleaning it up for us and fixing some little things in the camper before we go. I'm glad Gabe offered to do it for us because I am working up to the day before we leave. I have a day off here and there but not enough time to do stuff for the camper. He has done a really good job on it so far so I have to give him his props. THANKS GABE!! I LOVE YOU!!
We have found a church we like in Elk City. Their heart is all for the things of God. They are just on fire with His love right now and you can feel it when you walk in the building. It is great! We have not joined or anything yet but we have gone there for about a month now.
Speaking of church and having a Mother-in-law has gone on a mission trip to India with a group from God's House and Branded by God. They will be there for two weeks and basically what they are doing is taking kids off the street, giving them food and shelter (they have built orphanages), and just showing them God's love. They are fathering the fatherless. I don't think they could have picked a better woman to go. Children are her heart. Pray for them as they should be arriving today I believe. Pray not only their eyes and hearts will be open, but also the eyes and hearts of the children they will be ministering to.
On a completely separate note but one I would like to address. It has come to my attention some people think Josh and I did not 'wait' til marriage. Here I am setting the record straight. YES WE DID! Believe me, I know! If you have questions or want to ask me about stuff then do so. I promise I won't be mad. I'd rather you tell me stuff to my face then go talk to other people about it. I am not mad now but that is something very serious to me.
I guess that's really about it for now. My life is busy but I'm loving every minute of it. God provides and blesses us continually. I can't complain.

Until next time,

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Absolute Chaos in April

Chaos is the best word to use for this past month. It has been crazy. Thankfully, I passed my CNA class and now have a job working at a healthcare center. I wasn't sure I would like it at first but I have created relationships with many of the residents and like visiting with them. The job is challenging at times but I think God is teaching me things as I go along.

Josh's job is going great! He is running more tools and his bosses are giving him more responsibility. We have decided to just continue to live on his paycheck and put mine into a savings account. It has been working out great so far! God continues to bless us and show us his hand in everything.

A few weeks ago I applied to LPN school. I will go in at the beginning of June to take a few tests which will increase my scores and I should know about a week later whether I will be accepted or not. I am ready to get this thing going and see where God leads. It is something I have wanted to do for a long time and now just seems like the time is right. The school is just around the corner from our house plus, with the health/science classes I took in college, the classes will be accepted at the school here and I won't have to go to many classes the first semester. On top of that, my husband supports me. What more could I ask for?

Josh has off the whole last week of May/beginning of June. We are hoping to take a trip somewhere. Although we don't know the place yet we are looking. We have thought of Niagara Falls, St. Louis, or canoeing down the Illinois in Talequah. Any suggestions? We are both looking forward to the much needed time of and time together. Hopefully, it all pans out and I won't have to work. Otherwise, I will be a very upset employee with a very unhappy husband... I requested the days off well in advance, so there should be no problems.

Life is good. Continue to pray for us as we are still trying to find a church. With both our work schedules the way they are it is hard to find a Sunday when we are both together to visit. I've gone by myself quite a bit but haven't found a place God has given me peace about.

I hope all is going well with each of you! May your summer be filled with lakes, camping, and fishing trips! Wait, maybe that's just what I would like my summer to be like...

Until next time,

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

February and Everything in Between

February has been going fair. Enjoying the time I can spend with my husband. I am definitely in a type of transition right now but I'll get to that later. I don't think Summer could come soon enough; ready for sunshine and short sleeves.

Valentines Day was nice. We weren't sure if he would have that Tuesday off so we had our Valentines Day the previous Friday. I tried my cooking skills at lasagna. I am sorry to say it didn't turn out as well as I would have hoped. I'm going to try a different recipe next time and see how it goes. Josh had little gifts hidden around the house for me. He had me get him a drink, where I found a candle in the cupboard, a blanket, where I found a box of chocolates in the cedar chest, and a few other things hidden in odd spots. It was a very nice first Valentines Day as a married couple.

I have now finished my CNA classes and will go for my check off and computer test next week. The class was fun and i'm glad to have taken it but i'm ready to move forward and go further along. Now, this is where I know God is transitioning me somehow. I know I am supposed to further my education but don't know in which way. Whether to continue on and get my LPN or my RN. The LPN class would be not even 5 min from my house while the RN classes would be 45 min from my house. We know the LPN is only a year while the RN is two-three years. The RN would pay much more than the LPN. Both would keep me away from home and my first priority as a wife and homemaker. As you can see, both have positives and negatives. Trying to hear God for the answer but having a hard time not worrying about it. I realize I can't fail. No matter which way I go God will help me prosper. He'll be happy whatever I decide to do. In that, I can find peace. He will push me to be better and move me in places i'm not familiar with but in it all I will draw closer to Him.

As far as the rest of our February, nothing big has happened. I got my wisdom teeth extracted at the end of January. Josh took very good care of me. He made me plenty of milk shakes, and soft foods, made sure I had my meds, kept ice on my jaw, and warm at night. He even handled me well as I was still coming off the medications they gave me when they put me under. Apparently, i'm a little rude when they give me meds like that.

Josh continues out in the oil field and he is making his way up. He is learning new tools and now runs more than just plug jobs. He is starting to be the boss on some of the jobs he is fully trained in. I am so proud of him and thankful for the hardworker I have for a husband.

God continue to bless us and we realize it daily. We are thankful for what He has done for us over these last few months and what he continues to do in our lives.

Until next time,

Thursday, January 5, 2012

I Understand Now

Hello! I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and fantastic New Year! I know I missed the month of December in blogging. With everything being so crazy this last month I never found time long enough to write.

Josh and I had our first Christmas together. It was very special. We were able to have our own little Christmas on the Friday before at our home here in Burns Flat. We were then able to spend Christmas eve with his family and Christmas day with my family. Many memories were made and I loved every minute of it! We were able to bring in the new year with prayer at our church and later, relatives who we don't get to see very often. Now it is back to work, class, and a new years resolution to work out and eat more healthy on both our parts.

Now for the purpose of this post:

In the last few weeks I have really learned what the term 'Soul Mate' means. I always heard the term used but I guess never thought too far into it. I always thought it was just what you called your husband or wife. Just like you would call them 'Honey' or 'Babe'- Soul Mate was just another name with maybe a little more special meaning. I understand now though, the meaning of it, or am beginning to anyway. The term is deeper than I ever could have imagined it to be. It truly is like your soul finding it's other half. Not only do you become one physically in marriage, but you become one in spirit. I have noticed how when Josh is gone I don't just miss him anymore but my soul literally longs for him. My whole being longs for him in Body, Soul, and Mind. I never knew how deep it meant when you 'become one'. The bond that is made between a husband and wife is greater than I understood. I knew it was a strong bond but it is so much more than that. Now, maybe you are reading this and thinking, "Wait a few years. You are just in your newlywed stage. It fades away". Maybe it does fade away a little bit. I have no idea. What I do know is I never want to forget. I never want to forget how God brought us together and now we are one. I never want to forget Josh is my soul mate. I know this bond we have will always be there. I realize marriage is hard. You have to work at it constantly but we are building something here. We are building something not only for us, but for our family to come, and each generation after that. "...If God be for us, who can be against us?" -Romans 8:31. With God before us we can't fail!

Overall in this blog that's really all I wanted to say. I understand now! Once I made this revelation it was like a sheet was covering my eyes the whole time; like I was waiting to see this big secret and when the sheet was removed I saw everything. I definitely think there are many more things to be revealed; not only in marriage but in Josh as well. I know I will always be learning something new about my husband, just like I will continue to learn about our marriage. Every day is an adventure and learning experience. I want to be able to say, "I understand now" about a thousand more times.

Until next time,