Friday, April 14, 2017

To My Sons

Baby Boston,

I am going to be honest with you when I say, "I don't know how to do this". I don't know what having another child in my world will be like. Will I give you enough attention? Will your brother get enough attention? Can I do it? Sometimes I feel like I'm going to go crazy with just your older brother. Will having another son make me lose all sanity?
We have almost 7 weeks until your due date and I have nothing ready for you. I don't know where to start. So much time and effort was put into things I thought would be important when I was pregnant with your brother. I now know, looking back, it wasn't necessary and somewhat a waste of time and energy. So I choose to skip those things this time around and make sure you have necessities. Diapers, clothes, and a place to sleep.

In all the questions, all the unknown; I want you to know one thing. No matter what, you are loved. Above the confusion, the uncertainty, the chaos I know will ensue, you will be loved. You will be cherished. You are wanted! When you cry, I'll hold you. I'll snuggle you. I'll comfort you in any way I can. I will do my best to be the best for you. I don't know what we're walking into here in just a few weeks but I know you will fulfill our lives in a way we didn't even know needed fulfilling. God gave you to me and chose me to be your mommy. I don't take that lightly. We're all ready to meet you! Our prayer is that you continue to grow healthy, smart, and strong. We'll see you in just a few short weeks!


Beringer Boy,
Son, where do I begin with you? I can't believe you are two years old. I know from here on out I will be saying this every year on your birthday. You are my pride and joy. We have a special bond that can never be broken. You have taught me so many things and I'm sure this is only the beginning. I love to see your love for life. Your love of music! I pray you will be a good big brother. I pray you will be a protector and a leader. I pray that in life you will live up to your name and have courage like a bear. Stand for what's right and true. I pray I can teach you how to be an honest, Godly man. In a few weeks, your world will change and although you don't know it yet, having a sibling will be the coolest thing in the world. You will have a friend for life (just don't go all Cain and Abel. Seriously, don't!).

You are loved. You were loved from the first moment I knew of you. You have been loved, and you will forever be loved. Know that I will always be your biggest fan in life. I will stand behind you. When you screw up, because that's just part of life, I will stand back and let you learn your lesson, then I will tell you to get up and keep going. Don't be a quitter and always persevere. You are strong. You are a child of the King!

My boys,

I am your mother. I have carried you within me. I have spent and will spend sleepless nights holding you, rocking you, comforting you. I will first and foremost be your mama before anything else. You give me joy, peace, frustration, gray hair.. I will pray for you, guide you, teach you, and when it's time for me to let you be men and live your lives, I will let you go. My love and prayers will follow you.

Love always,
Mommy

Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations".

Joshua 1:6a "Be strong and of a good courage..."

Thursday, February 9, 2017

For Moms Only...Let's Be Real

Hey guys, if you didn't know it; we're pregnant again and having a boy. His name will be Boston James and he is due the first week of June. For the time being it looks like I'll continue to be a "boy mom" and I'm perfectly okay with that.
I'd like to think I will have it a little easier since I have experienced this before with Beringer but if I'm being real with you...I'm also a little terrified. Why? Because it's new. Because I don't know what it will look like. Because even now I carry most of the load of raising our son and will be doing it with two in just a few short months. Can I do it? Of course I can. Will God give me strength, wisdom, and guidance on how to be the best mom I can be for my boys? Without a doubt, He will. Maybe it's the hormones talking; the lack of sleep, or whatever you want to chalk it up to but even now I am emotionally, physically, and spiritually drained at the end of the day. Don't misunderstand. I love my son. I love my husband. I love the son growing inside me. I couldn't imagine doing life without them. But how do I recharge myself?

Moms, how do you do it? Let's be real. Give me some pointers. Me writing this right now is literally the first thing I've done in a while that I enjoy doing for myself but I'm also writing this layimg next to my sleeping son who wakes up within minutes of me leaving the bed. By the time Beringer goes go sleep at night and I'm relaxed enough for some "me time" my brain is too tired to do anything of use. I've tried a nice bubble bath to wind down but I either get disgusted because I realize I need to scrub the tile or a little boy wants to join me to play with the bubbles and his toys. I've tried reading books but those are few and far between. If I just try to be still and spend some alone time with God (for the few sporatic minutes of silence I do have here and there) my mind wanders on everything. I can't focus. The hour I get in church on Sundays by myself is sometimes the only calm I get during the week...I'm just being real. Half the time I don't even go to the bathroom or shower alone. Most of the time I'm okay with this but sometimes I just can't.

I have an awesome mom's group that gets together when we can for zoo trips and play dates. They show me I'm not alone in this. Many are going through the same things on different levels.

I just feel like I'm in a constant cycle of being wife and mommy, house keeper, laundry doer, grocery shopper, bill payer and on and on and on. I don't work full time outside of home. I barely work part time. Yet, my plate is always full.
Josh works oilfield and works either 12hr shifts or days at a time depending on the job. He was just gone for 2 weeks straight down in Texas. This is hard. I am beyond thankful he has the job he does and that he works as hard as he does for us. Here's what's more difficult. When he comes home, he wants to rest. He wants to do what he wants to do. And most of the time he gets exactly what he wants. Mom's, I'm not trying to bash my hardworking husband. I have my own flaws I know he can easily point out. That's not what I'm trying to do here. How did you find a happy medium with your husbands? I'm still trying to find mine and although it's tiresome and cumbersome; sometimes I find it's easier to just stop asking, nagging, and dropping hints and just do whatever it is on my own.

I'm truly not trying to make this a pity party. I am very aware others have it much harder than I do. I can think of several people right now I would not want to trade places with and thank God for thr countless blessings He's given and continues to give. I have family who would drop everything and be there in an instant if I asked them to (I have asked before). But let's be real, my son is not their responsibility. They do watch him for me when I go to work a few hours twice a week and on the occasional date night. They love it. Beringer loves it. I love that they have that time together.

I'm looking for advice from moms who have been where I am at currently. Be real with me. What helps? What doesn't? For me; for today, it was a hard ugly-cry session.


This post probably didn't help anyone today but it was therapeutic to me.

Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Decisions Decisions

It's been a little bit since I wrote last and within the last week I have been wanting to sit down and write again. Josh and I celebrated 5 years of marriage this last weekend. I can't believe it's been 5 years already. As I look back at our relatively short time we've been married God has led us through so much and all I can do is praise Him for his goodness to us. We've been through nursing school (twice; if you don't know the story, ask me later), we've been through the oilfield slowing down tremendously, Josh having to be off of work because of his eye issue he had for a while there, his father with cancer, living in a duplex in Burns Flat to living in our camper for a year (while going through nursing school), then buying a house, and lastly having our son. We have had several ups and downs but God has always been faithful.

Beringer is almost 19 months old now and he amazes me every day. He talks constantly and is always asking to watch "HooHooHaaHaa" which being interpreted means Curious George. He loves running after our chickens, feeding them, and watering them. He is always wanting to go outside and explore. He is sassy, loveable, smart, and loves to have stories read to him.

Since Beringer has come along and turned our world upside down I am learning more and more how at the end of the day all that matters is family. I've been working through some personal things the last month or so and God continues to speak these words over me, "I have made you. I have chosen you to be the wife and mother you are". I remind myself of these words when I get angry, hurt, upset, or frustrated... with those around me. Some do not understand because they do not have children of their own or are just plain rude. Others just like to give me advice on how I should be doing things differently for my son because of how they raised their own children. In turn, I choose not to be around those who frustrate/hurt me because of their lack of knowledge/experience and for those who give me advice on how to raise Beringer I just remind them they already had the opportunity to raise their children and the choices I make in raising mine is of my concern alone. Then I go in the bedroom, hold my son, and pray for patience and peace. God reminds me of who I am. He reminds me of the most important task He has given me. He reminds me how He has equipped me with everything I'll need to fulfill His purpose in my life. I am growing. I am changing. It hurts but it is liberating. I am making new revelation. Don't get me wrong. I am not saying I know everything there is to being a mother. I listen to wise counsel and heed sound advice but when I am belittled for my choices or excluded because of my son, I have to decide how to handle each situation as they come. Some are easier to make than others but each decision is made with my son's best interest in mind. It all comes down to family. They are what matter.

I guess my point is this: Things are going to happen in life that will make you re-evaluate decisions, ways you are living, how time is spent. People will come and people will go. Everyone will have an opinion or their two cents to put in. There are those that will say they want to spend time with you but make no attempts at seeing you. People will hurt you. It is what you do in response that matters. It's about loving in spite of anger or hurt. It's about who's still standing there beside you when the dust settles. It's about family or those you consider family.

I would love to sit and write so much more but I can't. Beringer just woke up and he needs to go back to sleep. Just remember who is important. If you're a mom struggling with some of the issues I talked about above- YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You are valuable, important, and have a high calling. You are raising sons and daughters to grow up to be loving, respectable, honest adults. You have to make decisions for them now that will allow them to thrive. Whether that means stepping away from people who don't understand how truly valuable your child is or if it means to stand your ground on decisions you've made in raising your child; God will guide you. Let him.

Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Ain't Nobody Got Time for That

To be a friend you must show yourself friendly. My mom always told me growing up I wouldn't have friends if I didn't talk to the group of kids on the playground and ask them to play. She was right. Sometimes I would leave the playground having no friends because I was too shy or scared and other times I wouldn't want to leave because of the new friends I had made.
Today I have 2 or 3 people (outside of my family) that I consider close friends. They can call me up on the phone when we haven't talked in weeks and it's no big deal. They can show up in pj's and a messy bun unannounced and I wouldn't bat an eye. We can cry, laugh, and even disagree with no fear of judgement.
Here's the weird thing; I'm not that great of a friend. Let's be honest. I don't respond to texts all the time. I ignore phone calls when I'm busy, can't handle drama, or simply don't want to talk. I don't always empathize well and I am normally pretty blunt. I have these awesome ideas of lunch dates, dinner dates, movies, etc. with friends. In reality, I don't have that kind of time or motivation. I have a kid and so do most of my friends. Unless you want to come to my house, pop open a bottle of wine, and chit chat while I make dinner, (or my kid naps, or he's running around naked on the back porch). That is about the extent most of the time of my friendly get togethers.
Sometimes this is very difficult. "Couple Friends" are nearly nonexistent. Josh doesn't have a set schedule. He works crazy hours and the time he does have at home we try to spend with our little family, extended family, or occasionally a date night. The idea of getting together with another couple to do something is a pipe dream at this point in time. Believe me when I say I'm not complaining. It's just where we are in life right now. Outside of work and family we don't have much down time and if we do we don't have friends we can call up on a whim to get together with anyway.
Maybe this is a phase of life everyone goes through. Maybe we just don't put in enough effort in this area of our lives, who knows. If you're my friend, thanks for being there when I'm not that awesome of a friend. To those who just want to hang out with a messy bun and pajama bottoms with little chance of going on an outing; let's make it happen.

Not sure that there was really any big point to this post. There was just a lot on my mind and I needed it out. If you are where I am in life; here's a shout out to you. If you've been where I am now, tell me if there's a solution to this conundrum. If you have no idea what I'm talking about then you are probably one of those people on Facebook going out all the time with friends and I'm sitting there wondering where your kids are (Sorry).

Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon

Ain't Nobody Got Time for That

To be a friend you must show yourself friendly. My mom always told my growing up I wouldn't have friends if I didn't talk to the group of kids on the playground and ask them to play. She was right. Sometimes I would leave the playground having no friends because I was too shy or scared and other times I wouldn't want to leave because of the new friends I had made.
Today I have 2 or 3 people (outside of my family) that I consider close friends. They can call me up on the phone when we haven't talked in weeks and it's no big deal. They can show up in pj's and a messy bun unannounced and I wouldn't bat an eye. We can cry, laugh, and even disagree with no fear of judgement.
Here's the weird thing; I'm not that great of a friend. Let's be honest. I don't respond to texts all the time. I ignore phone calls when I'm busy, can't handle drama, or simply don't want to talk. I don't always empathize well and I am normally pretty blunt. I have these awesome ideas of lunch dates, dinner dates, movies, etc. with friends. In reality, I don't have that kind of time or motivation. I have a kid and so do most of my friends. Unless you want to come to my house, pop open a bottle of wine, and chit chat while I make dinner, (or my kid naps, or he's running around naked on the back porch). That is about the extent most of the time of my friendly get togethers.
Sometimes this is very difficult. "Couple Friends" are nearly nonexistent. Josh doesn't have a set schedule. He works crazy hours and the time he does have at home we try to spend with our little family, extended family, or occasionally a date night. The idea of getting together with another couple to do something is a pipe dream at this point in time. Believe me when I say I'm not complaining. It's just where we are in life right now. Outside of work and family we don't have much down time and if we do we don't have friends we can call up on a whim to get together with anyway.
Maybe this is a phase of life everyone goes through. Maybe we just don't put in enough effort in this area of our lives, who knows. If you're my friend, thanks for being there when I'm not that awesome of a friend. To those who just want to hang out with a messy bun and pajama bottoms with little chance of going on an outing; let's make it happen.

Not sure that there was really any big point to this post. There was just a lot on my mind and I needed it out. If you are where I am in life; here's a shout out to you. If you've been where I am now, tell me if there's a solution to this conundrum. If you have no idea what I'm talking about then you are probably one of those people on Facebook going out all the time with friends and I'm sitting there wondering where your kids are (Sorry).

Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Just One

Hold the phone! No, seriously. Hang on just a minute. One whole year ago I brought a baby boy into this world. That was a year ago? I don't know how I feel about my little boy already being one year old. I know I can't slow down time but oh, how I wish I could. I will admit, I cried on his birthday. My son can walk and talk and let you know exactly how he feels about something. He is smart. He is funny. HE IS SASSY! He knows how to push my buttons and give me the silliest grin when he is in trouble and he knows it. He's one of the best things that's ever happened in my life.

Nearly every night I pray and ask God to guide me in raising Beringer. I want Beringer to know Christ. Not just know ABOUT Him; not just sing songs or hear stories but truly KNOW God the Father and have a personal relationship with Him. It's my job to lead by example. Do the words I say and the things I do show my son his mother has relationship with Jesus? I know he's just one but he's still watching and listening. Yes, he's just one but he's taking in the world around him like a sponge.

Just one. How many things happen with "just one"...? It takes just one word to bring laughter or tears. Just one touch to bring love or pain. Just one smile to brighten someone's day. Just one glare to turn a day dark. Just one choice can bring life or death. How strong is the realization of just one?! Just one person can change the world. Just one person did change the world when He took our sins to the cross.

My Beringer boy is just one yet, he has a lifetime of "just one's" ahead of him. I, as his mother, must remember that my "just one's" impact his life daily. It takes one remark to build confidence or tear it down. It takes one glance to know if I'm watching him and taking interest in what he's doing. One kiss and one hug to let him know he is loved. As he lies asleep beside me I thank God for giving me this blue-eyed, mischievous, little boy and pray that my never ending list of just ones will be mostly positive and uplifting. I know I will falter and make mistakes like every parent does but hopefully my positive outweighs the negative.

So do you get the point of this post? The world is made up of thousands of just one's. Don't take it lightly. Choose wisely, walk humbly.


Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon

Friday, February 5, 2016

Consider the Ant

Have you ever just sat in the grass and watched ants work? I remember doing this as a child and was always amazed at how strong the ants were. They were always busy! I mean seriously, have you ever seen an ant sleeping?... I didn't think so. I'd sit and watch them and then feel bad for just watching so I'd have to get up and find something to do.

Proverbs 6:6 says,"Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise".

Many places in the Bible it talks about laziness and never once is it looked at in a positive light. Now it does talk about resting, having a day of rest, etcetera. Don't get laziness and rest mixed up. These are two very different things. Laziness is a choice whereas rest is a necessity.

I've never understood the mind set of a lazy person nor will I ever understand. From a very young age I was taught to work. Whether it was by helping around the house with chores or earning money for different things I wanted. I remember being 10 years old and riding my bike through the neighborhood with a friend, asking to wash people's cars for money! As I got older I babysat, saved aluminum cans, delivered groceries, threw news papers... there was always some way to make money for the different things I wanted. My parents made sure I and my siblings had what we needed and they sometimes just gave us things they knew we wanted because they loved us. They loved us enough though also to teach us the value of hard work and the pitfalls of a lazy character.

Proverbs 13:4 - The soul of the sluggard desireth, and [hath] nothing: but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat.

There's a law of reaping and sowing. Whatever you 'plant' is what you will get back. This law is with anything in life. If you only give 50% in a relationship, that's probably what you're going to get back and the relationship will suffer. If you want to have a steak dinner but work just long enough to earn hot dogs and macaroni and cheese; guess what you're going to eat for dinner?

A friend I know works her tail off and has allowed me to use some of her story. She has two sons and a fiancé. Because she has the ability to make a better income right now rather than her fiancé, she is the breadwinner while he stays home with their kids. I've known this woman to work nearly a month straight in order to have the overtime hours so she could put money in savings. She works hard and provides well for her family. Her bills are paid. Food is on the table. Clothes are on her kid's backs, and on top of her full time job, she also has a second job selling makeup. I'm happy to say she's going back to school soon to become a nurse and I guarantee you she'll succeed. Why? Because laziness is not part of her character.

Proverbs 10:4 - He becometh poor that dealeth [with] a slack hand: but the hand of the diligent maketh rich.

I understand everyone needs a hand up at some point in life but if that hand up turns into a constant hand out; that's a problem. Be vigilant. Are you letting pride get in the way when you turn down a job flipping burgers or a custodian position because you think you're better than that job? Will that job put food on the table and pay the electric bill? It may not be a dream job but don't wait for the dream job to fall in your lap all the while your debt is piling up.

Colossians 3:23 - And whatsoever ye do, do [it] heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men.

I end with this: regardless of your position in life; work hard! Take pride in what you do and give it 100%. No one starts at the top, but with hard work and dedication, goals can be achieved. Laziness will get you absolutely nowhere positive in life. Consider the ants and learn something new.

Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon