What?! I'm a mom now? You mean I have the responsibility of this little guy? His well being is in MY hands? No amount of motherhood books or motherly advice could have prepared me for this amazing new journey I have begun.
So what is motherhood to me? Oh, just let me tell you what I've learned so far!
Motherhood is: waking up to rock-hard breasts leaking everywhere, a rather large wet spot on the sheets found in the middle of the night where somehow my son has peed out the side of his diaper. Motherhood is spit up in my hair, in my bed, on my clothes, and just about anywhere else if I'm not careful. Motherhood is cold coffee in the mornings because as soon as I make it and am ready to sit down to enjoy that first cup something has prevented me from doing so. Motherhood is tattooed dark circles under the eyes because from now on a full 8 hours of sleep is something to laugh at.
Motherhood is a constant cycle of laundry, dishes, and meal planning. Motherhood is breastfeeding on demand whenever and wherever I am. It's listening to Troubadour over and over again because that's what my son will settle down to while in the car seat. It's sometimes a feeling of doing it all on your own, well because let's face it...you're the mom. I think only being a mom will allow you to understand that. Motherhood is a slew of dirty diapers and changes of clothes. It's laying him down for the fourth time after breastfeeding to nap but as soon as he's out of my arms he begins to cry. Motherhood is finding 'me time' in the shower for a few minutes before I resume responsibilities. It's finding that I'm basically a milk factory.
It's asking for help when I absolutely need it but feel bad because "I should be able to do it all" (according to me). I know, I know, I'm not superwoman! Motherhood is trying to make sure my marriage hasn't taken a backseat. It's finding that intimacy is still painful. Motherhood is not only trying to take care of my newborn but also my husband because he doesn't begin to comprehend the ins and outs of my new role as a mother.
Now, let me tell you what else I've learned of motherhood. It's never knowing I could love this much. Motherhood is waking up every morning to a bright, blue-eyed boy who has turned my world upside down. It's listening to every coo he makes. Listening to his breathing while he's asleep in my arms. Motherhood is watching him suckle at my breast, knowing we are creating a bond that will last long after he stops breastfeeding. It's every diaper change, knowing he depends on me for every little thing. Motherhood is knowing when he cries for me it's because he wants me; he knows my smell; he knows my voice. He takes comfort in my touch. Motherhood is holding him a little longer than necessary because I know this time is fleeting.
Motherhood is learning to have a deeper relationship with my husband because we created this beautiful child out of love and he was by my side when Beringer came into this world. Motherhood is looking at every inch of my child and being amazed at the intricate design of him. It's taking joy when I realize he's discovered something new. It's every smile, every yawn, every stretch, every cry. Motherhood is thanking God for every part of this amazing humbling journey because I could have never asked for anything better.
Until next time,