Monday, October 15, 2012

Faith, Trust, and Us

Don't worry, I'm not dead. I'm just extremely busy. For those who may not have known I made it into the LPN program here in Burns Flat and it seems all I do is study for tests and take tests. We average between 3-4 tests a week and have already started clinicals. It is fast paced and I love it! I especially love the fact that after Tuesday we will be on Fall Break until the next Monday. Josh was able to get off the same days as me so we will be able to spend a few days together celebrating our 1 year anniversary.
    I cannot believe it's already been a year. Seems like just a few months ago we were saying 'I do'. Over this one year though I have found I love him more and more. He is my confidant, my rock, my best friend, my comedian...someone once told me, "Make sure you marry someone who can make you laugh, otherwise don't even think about it". There is something he is making laugh about daily. We really are two halves of a whole.
     Josh continues to learn new tools so he is able to go out on a variety of jobs. He left this morning to train on a new tool he hasn't worked with before. He likes the opportunity to learn and try new things when it comes to his work.
     We are hoping to close on the land here in the next week or two. It has been a long, drawn out process and I think we will both breath a sigh of relief when it's all finished.
      I wanted to share the following story because it is amazing to me how God will speak us and just how well he knows how to grab our attention:     A few months back I was sitting in church with Garrett (Josh's 5 year brother) sitting beside me. He had just came and sat down when God said to me,"There is a difference between faith and trust". I wasn't sure what He was trying to tell me but I continued to listen. He said,"You have faith in me to be your God. You know I will always be there for you, but you don't trust Me". I was about ready to argue with Him but He began showing me areas in my life I didn't trust Him in. Yes, I had faith that He would always be there as my God but didn't have trust to know that He would follow through with things as my Heavenly Father. As Garrett started to snuggle beside me God said,"He snuggles close beside you because he loves you and trusts you. Why can't you trust as a child and snuggle close to me?". I tried to give him excuses about why I didn't trust completely and why it was really hard but He just kept speaking to me. Garrett, at this point, had put his hand in mine and fallen asleep. As I sat there looking at Garrett and his tiny hand in mine God said, "Why can't you trust Me enough to be so comfortable with Me, you can just fall asleep in my arms. Look at his hand in yours, this is as your hand in Mine. I have held you since the beginning". Now, my heart is beginning to break because I saw how much my Heavenly Father just wanted my trust. He wanted my whole heart. Garrett's head had begun to stoop low and his neck looked painfully uncomfortable. I took him in my lap and placed him so that his neck was no longer in that awkward position. In doing so, my own neck began to ache and God said,"You move him so his neck doesn't hurt and allow the pain for yourself instead. How much more pain would I take from you as My child if you would let Me?".  I knew what God wanted of me and it has been a struggle but I realize it is also a daily choice. We must choose daily to trust our Heavenly Father fully, partly, or not at all. He just wants us to have the faith and trust of a Garrett with me.
    I guess that is all for now. I suspect you will see from me again around Thanksgiving, which is when my next longer break is.

Until next time,