Thursday, October 22, 2015

It's Okay, Mama!

Well, my Beringer boy is 6 months old and growing like a weed! I can't believe it was 6 months ago we were bringing him home from the hospital and I was a brand-spankin' new mom terrified I was gonna accidentally break my newborn. Don't get me wrong, I'm still pretty new at being a mom but it's okay.

It's okay that my laundry isn't getting folded after each load, at least it's washed. It's okay that once it's folded it may not be put away for another week.
It's okay that the house isn't getting dusted as often as I'd like or that I now wait to wash the dinner dishes until the next morning.
It's okay that I'm in bed between 8-9PM now because my son doesn't go to sleep without me. It's okay that I have a bit of insomnia nowadays. I'm still getting the sleep I need somehow.
It's okay that my body may never be what it once was. It's okay that these stretch marks will be a reminder of the child that grew within me.
It's okay I'm not getting many hours at work.
It's okay that I make a Walmart list and forget it or forget to get everything on the list.
It's okay that my hair is still falling out because my hormones are trying to get back to pre-baby.
It's okay that I don't want my son to get the flu shot at 6 months old.
It's okay that Beringer "still" breastfeeds and I don't see an end to it any time soon.
It's okay that nursing is a comfort to him.
It's okay when I play Troubadour to settle him down in the truck.
It's okay that sometimes I cry with him when his teeth are bothering him.
It's okay I cry tears of pure joy because God blessed me with a healthy baby boy.
It's okay Josh and I don't always get alone time.
It's okay that for our 4 year anniversary neither of us really wanted to go out because we'd rather spend a quiet evening at home.
It's okay that I second guess myself when I'm not sure.
It's okay that I'm a bit of an introvert and don't want to go to play dates or small group.
It's okay I don't always get dressed for the day at a decent hour or that I may not get out of my pajamas at all.

Here's the point: IT'S OKAY!! It may not be perfect at times. It may not be the most ideal or the most fun at times but it's okay. Today might be difficult but you'll be okay. Don't worry, tomorrow may be 10 times better.
You may not have all the answers but that's okay. There's a Heavenly Father who does have the answers so don't sweat it.
It'll all be okay! Take a breath, count to 10, grab that cup of cold coffee you've been trying to drink all morning and thank God for another sunrise.

Until next time,

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

So this is Morherhood

What?! I'm a mom now? You mean I have the responsibility of this little guy? His well being is in MY hands? No amount of motherhood books or motherly advice could have prepared me for this amazing new journey I have begun.

So what is motherhood to me? Oh, just let me tell you what I've learned so far!
Motherhood is: waking up to rock-hard breasts leaking everywhere, a rather large wet spot on the sheets found in the middle of the night where somehow my son has peed out the side of his diaper. Motherhood is spit up in my hair, in my bed, on my clothes, and just about anywhere else if I'm not careful. Motherhood is cold coffee in the mornings because as soon as I make it and am ready to sit down to enjoy that first cup something has prevented me from doing so. Motherhood is tattooed dark circles under the eyes because from now on a full 8 hours of sleep is something to laugh at.
Motherhood is a constant cycle of laundry, dishes, and meal planning. Motherhood is breastfeeding on demand whenever and wherever I am. It's listening to Troubadour over and over again because that's what my son will settle down to while in the car seat. It's sometimes a feeling of doing it all on your own, well because let's face're the mom. I think only being a mom will allow you to understand that. Motherhood is a slew of dirty diapers and changes of clothes. It's laying him down for the fourth time after breastfeeding to nap but as soon as he's out of my arms he begins to cry. Motherhood is finding 'me time' in the shower for a few minutes before I resume responsibilities. It's finding that I'm basically a milk factory.
It's asking for help when I absolutely need it but feel bad because "I should be able to do it all" (according to me). I know, I know, I'm not superwoman! Motherhood is trying to make sure my marriage hasn't taken a backseat. It's finding that intimacy is still painful. Motherhood is not only trying to take care of my newborn but also my husband because he doesn't begin to comprehend the ins and outs of my new role as a mother.

Now, let me tell you what else I've learned of motherhood. It's never knowing I could love this much. Motherhood is waking up every morning to a bright, blue-eyed boy who has turned my world upside down. It's listening to every coo he makes. Listening to his breathing while he's asleep in my arms. Motherhood is watching him suckle at my breast, knowing we are creating a bond that will last long after he stops breastfeeding. It's every diaper change, knowing he depends on me for every little thing. Motherhood is knowing when he cries for me it's because he wants me; he knows my smell; he knows my voice. He takes comfort in my touch. Motherhood is holding him a little longer than necessary because I know this time is fleeting.
Motherhood is learning to have a deeper relationship with my husband because we created this beautiful child out of love and he was by my side when Beringer came into this world. Motherhood is looking at every inch of my child and being amazed at the intricate design of him. It's taking joy when I realize he's discovered something new. It's every smile, every yawn, every stretch, every cry. Motherhood is thanking God for every part of this amazing humbling journey because I could have never asked for anything better.

Until next time,

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Go Away, Snow!

Am I right or am I right? As much as I like the snow, it's time for the snow to go. It's March now! Time to move on out!
I can't believe I haven't written in so long! It feels like it was just a few weeks ago rather than nearly 3 months ago.
Where to begin....I am now 34wk5dy along in the pregnancy. Nearly 5 weeks left! I can't believe it! The first few weeks of the 3rd trimester went by fairly quick but now the count down has begun to drag. I want Baby B to stay in there as long as he needs to but not a minute more than that. Josh and I are both ready for him to finally come out and play! I wake up nearly every morning to Baby B's squirming and kicking around and I love it. Our special time together is when I first wake up and when I get in bed at night. Most of the time kicking and squirming is how he wakes me up. Josh has said on several occasions Josh wakes up in the middle of the night to Baby B kicking his back when I'm snuggled up against him. Josh will role over and talk to him. We have found our little one recognizes our voices, loves music, likes his space, and surprisingly we have found that he is ticklish. Josh can lightly tickle my tummy and Baby B will try to move away from him. It's getting a little more difficult now seeing as he does not have as much room as he used to have.
We had the baby shower last week and for freezing temperatures and the start of snow we had a really great turn out! We received many things we needed and the things we didn't receive we got plenty of gift cards to help take care of the rest. If you attended, or sent gifts, or simply helped set up and take down- THANK YOU! It meant so much to us to have the support of friends and family present in the celebration of our soon coming baby boy.
I am amazed daily about the little miracle growing inside me. I thank God every day for this little boy and pray he continues to grow big and strong during the time he has left inside me. He already brings me and josh so much joy; I can't imagine what it'll be like when he finally does get here.

As most of you know, oilfield slowed down for about a month or two there which means Josh also slowed down quite a bit too. Thankfully, things have started to pick back up -at least for him anyway-. He has been home maybe 2 days this last week and although I miss him I'm glad he has a job. I'm glad he's a hard worker and is ready and willing to do just about anything they ask of him. He is training on a new tool on the job he's at right now and he's been out there since Friday morning. Nope, they don't shut down for snow or ice and he works in it. He doesn't complain or whine or grumble and I respect him so much for the man he is.
I was supposed to work this weekend but have some sort of cold thing going on so someone covered my shifts for me. Between not being able taking cold medicine and residents at the facility who are coming down with colds and me not feeling good anyway and not wanting to pass on my germs; I figured home was the best place to be. I have spent the last two days in bed either sleeping or reading. Today I am starting to feel better but still don't have a ton of energy.

We have another baby doctor appointment tomorrow afternoon. I am not sure what will be happening over the next few weeks at these appointments but I am happy to say we are down to weekly visits now! This is just another sign that the end is drawing near! We have our birthing class scheduled for the 14th this month and I can only hope we both walk away learning something crucial we will need when it is time for delivery. If you don't know, I am wanting to have this baby as naturally as possible. No medications or epidurals or anything. Now, you can be reading this thinking I am crazy,and maybe I am, but I have always wanted to do it this way for as long as I can remember wanting a child. I am afraid and nervous and everything in between, but here's something else I am -fearfully and wonderfully made! God will give me the strength I need and the power to do what I was created as a woman to do. Don't misunderstand me, if you had an epidural or medication or C-section or whatever I am not looking down on you or think you less of a woman in any way; to each their own. For me personally, I believe I am supposed to have this Baby without any of those things. So when you get the announcement that I've gone into labor here's what I want most from you: YOUR PRAYERS!

I know I say this nearly every time I write but here I am to say it again. God never stops amazing me. I see His hand constantly! Whether it's in the kicks and jolts my son likes to give me on a daily basis, or guiding us through the tight spots when the oilfield slowed down, or like now, when Josh has had one job after another the last week and half. God is faithful in everything and sees us through.

If you're having a hard time right now with faith or trust in God or you feel like you don't see him working in your life. Hear me when I say, we all feel that way at times. We wonder how he is working certain situations for his honor and glory when all we see is the devil fighting hard. GOD IS BIGGER! No, we don't always see how God works but here's the awesome thing; whether we see it or not- He is. He loves us beyond measure and knows the number of hairs on our head. He sent his Son not to condemn the world but to save it. So no, He's not sitting up in heaven with lightening bolts waiting to strike when we screw up. He waiting for you to come to Him and ask for help and forgiveness. Even when we don't ask for his help all the time because we don't realize we need it or are too stubborn to ask, He helps us out anyway. He's good all the time! Just hang on! The Master painter is painting a masterpiece in your life.

Until next time,