"Let me hold you". I feel like I've been saying this a lot the last few weeks. My Beringer boy has both top teeth coming in at the same time and he's also learned different tactics to help him fight sleep. Naps haven't been difficult. It's when he goes down for the night that it's like a switch has been flipped and all of a sudden he fights sleep like he's in a boxing ring. I'll never understand why babies fight sleep like they do.
When he starts getting tired he comes to me for comfort. He wants me to hold him and let him nurse. When his eyes start to get heavy and his lids start to close is when he begins to fight. He will move away from me, begin go chatter, kick his feet, wave his arms, and slap himself- just so he won't fall asleep. It is during this time I begin rocking him and saying, "Let me hold you, son". "Let me rock you". "Let me hold you". And I question why he feels the need to fight. Wouldn't it just be easier to just rest?
I found myself asking these questions today as I tell my tired child, "Let me hold you". When I said this aloud to him, I felt my Heavenly Father whisper the same phrase to me. Then I cried.
The last month or two has been very difficult for me. I'm exhausted, not only physically, but emotionally, spiritually, and any other way you can be- just plain tired. Don't misunderstand, I'm not depressed. I don't need the next best energy pill or diet. I'm beyond thankful for the role God has given me as wife and mother. I'm just exhausted. I know too that I'm not the only woman who has felt this way. You know what it is like to try keeping the balance of responsibilities- cooking, cleaning, laundry, bathing, feeding, comforting, (both son and husband) etc. That's just the tip of the iceberg if we're being honest but for sake of time I'll go no further. I feel worn out!
So like I said earlier, I began crying. God's soft words were a balm. "Let me hold you". I can find rest in my Saviour. He was simply reminding me. How many times have we 'fought sleep'? All the while God was rocking, whispering, "Just let me hold you". But, for whatever reason, we continue to fight and He just shakes his head and wonders why. We don't see how if we'd just rest, we'd be better off. We come to the Father for comfort but when He wants us to give in completely we begin to chatter, kick our feet, and wave our arms around.
Here's the point- find rest in the Saviour. We weren't created to do life alone. He wants to walk right beside us. He is Comforter. Find comfort in Him. When life gets tough and you're exhausted, He is waiting, whipering, "Let Me hold you".
Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon
Sunday, January 3, 2016
Thursday, October 22, 2015
It's Okay, Mama!
Well, my Beringer boy is 6 months old and growing like a weed! I can't believe it was 6 months ago we were bringing him home from the hospital and I was a brand-spankin' new mom terrified I was gonna accidentally break my newborn. Don't get me wrong, I'm still pretty new at being a mom but it's okay.
It's okay that my laundry isn't getting folded after each load, at least it's washed. It's okay that once it's folded it may not be put away for another week.
It's okay that the house isn't getting dusted as often as I'd like or that I now wait to wash the dinner dishes until the next morning.
It's okay that I'm in bed between 8-9PM now because my son doesn't go to sleep without me. It's okay that I have a bit of insomnia nowadays. I'm still getting the sleep I need somehow.
It's okay that my body may never be what it once was. It's okay that these stretch marks will be a reminder of the child that grew within me.
It's okay I'm not getting many hours at work.
It's okay that I make a Walmart list and forget it or forget to get everything on the list.
It's okay that my hair is still falling out because my hormones are trying to get back to pre-baby.
It's okay that I don't want my son to get the flu shot at 6 months old.
It's okay that Beringer "still" breastfeeds and I don't see an end to it any time soon.
It's okay that nursing is a comfort to him.
It's okay when I play Troubadour to settle him down in the truck.
It's okay that sometimes I cry with him when his teeth are bothering him.
It's okay I cry tears of pure joy because God blessed me with a healthy baby boy.
It's okay Josh and I don't always get alone time.
It's okay that for our 4 year anniversary neither of us really wanted to go out because we'd rather spend a quiet evening at home.
It's okay that I second guess myself when I'm not sure.
It's okay that I'm a bit of an introvert and don't want to go to play dates or small group.
It's okay I don't always get dressed for the day at a decent hour or that I may not get out of my pajamas at all.
Here's the point: IT'S OKAY!! It may not be perfect at times. It may not be the most ideal or the most fun at times but it's okay. Today might be difficult but you'll be okay. Don't worry, tomorrow may be 10 times better.
You may not have all the answers but that's okay. There's a Heavenly Father who does have the answers so don't sweat it.
It'll all be okay! Take a breath, count to 10, grab that cup of cold coffee you've been trying to drink all morning and thank God for another sunrise.
Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon
It's okay that my laundry isn't getting folded after each load, at least it's washed. It's okay that once it's folded it may not be put away for another week.
It's okay that the house isn't getting dusted as often as I'd like or that I now wait to wash the dinner dishes until the next morning.
It's okay that I'm in bed between 8-9PM now because my son doesn't go to sleep without me. It's okay that I have a bit of insomnia nowadays. I'm still getting the sleep I need somehow.
It's okay that my body may never be what it once was. It's okay that these stretch marks will be a reminder of the child that grew within me.
It's okay I'm not getting many hours at work.
It's okay that I make a Walmart list and forget it or forget to get everything on the list.
It's okay that my hair is still falling out because my hormones are trying to get back to pre-baby.
It's okay that I don't want my son to get the flu shot at 6 months old.
It's okay that Beringer "still" breastfeeds and I don't see an end to it any time soon.
It's okay that nursing is a comfort to him.
It's okay when I play Troubadour to settle him down in the truck.
It's okay that sometimes I cry with him when his teeth are bothering him.
It's okay I cry tears of pure joy because God blessed me with a healthy baby boy.
It's okay Josh and I don't always get alone time.
It's okay that for our 4 year anniversary neither of us really wanted to go out because we'd rather spend a quiet evening at home.
It's okay that I second guess myself when I'm not sure.
It's okay that I'm a bit of an introvert and don't want to go to play dates or small group.
It's okay I don't always get dressed for the day at a decent hour or that I may not get out of my pajamas at all.
Here's the point: IT'S OKAY!! It may not be perfect at times. It may not be the most ideal or the most fun at times but it's okay. Today might be difficult but you'll be okay. Don't worry, tomorrow may be 10 times better.
You may not have all the answers but that's okay. There's a Heavenly Father who does have the answers so don't sweat it.
It'll all be okay! Take a breath, count to 10, grab that cup of cold coffee you've been trying to drink all morning and thank God for another sunrise.
Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
So this is Morherhood
What?! I'm a mom now? You mean I have the responsibility of this little guy? His well being is in MY hands? No amount of motherhood books or motherly advice could have prepared me for this amazing new journey I have begun.
So what is motherhood to me? Oh, just let me tell you what I've learned so far!
Motherhood is: waking up to rock-hard breasts leaking everywhere, a rather large wet spot on the sheets found in the middle of the night where somehow my son has peed out the side of his diaper. Motherhood is spit up in my hair, in my bed, on my clothes, and just about anywhere else if I'm not careful. Motherhood is cold coffee in the mornings because as soon as I make it and am ready to sit down to enjoy that first cup something has prevented me from doing so. Motherhood is tattooed dark circles under the eyes because from now on a full 8 hours of sleep is something to laugh at.
Motherhood is a constant cycle of laundry, dishes, and meal planning. Motherhood is breastfeeding on demand whenever and wherever I am. It's listening to Troubadour over and over again because that's what my son will settle down to while in the car seat. It's sometimes a feeling of doing it all on your own, well because let's face it...you're the mom. I think only being a mom will allow you to understand that. Motherhood is a slew of dirty diapers and changes of clothes. It's laying him down for the fourth time after breastfeeding to nap but as soon as he's out of my arms he begins to cry. Motherhood is finding 'me time' in the shower for a few minutes before I resume responsibilities. It's finding that I'm basically a milk factory.
It's asking for help when I absolutely need it but feel bad because "I should be able to do it all" (according to me). I know, I know, I'm not superwoman! Motherhood is trying to make sure my marriage hasn't taken a backseat. It's finding that intimacy is still painful. Motherhood is not only trying to take care of my newborn but also my husband because he doesn't begin to comprehend the ins and outs of my new role as a mother.
Now, let me tell you what else I've learned of motherhood. It's never knowing I could love this much. Motherhood is waking up every morning to a bright, blue-eyed boy who has turned my world upside down. It's listening to every coo he makes. Listening to his breathing while he's asleep in my arms. Motherhood is watching him suckle at my breast, knowing we are creating a bond that will last long after he stops breastfeeding. It's every diaper change, knowing he depends on me for every little thing. Motherhood is knowing when he cries for me it's because he wants me; he knows my smell; he knows my voice. He takes comfort in my touch. Motherhood is holding him a little longer than necessary because I know this time is fleeting.
Motherhood is learning to have a deeper relationship with my husband because we created this beautiful child out of love and he was by my side when Beringer came into this world. Motherhood is looking at every inch of my child and being amazed at the intricate design of him. It's taking joy when I realize he's discovered something new. It's every smile, every yawn, every stretch, every cry. Motherhood is thanking God for every part of this amazing humbling journey because I could have never asked for anything better.
Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon
So what is motherhood to me? Oh, just let me tell you what I've learned so far!
Motherhood is: waking up to rock-hard breasts leaking everywhere, a rather large wet spot on the sheets found in the middle of the night where somehow my son has peed out the side of his diaper. Motherhood is spit up in my hair, in my bed, on my clothes, and just about anywhere else if I'm not careful. Motherhood is cold coffee in the mornings because as soon as I make it and am ready to sit down to enjoy that first cup something has prevented me from doing so. Motherhood is tattooed dark circles under the eyes because from now on a full 8 hours of sleep is something to laugh at.
Motherhood is a constant cycle of laundry, dishes, and meal planning. Motherhood is breastfeeding on demand whenever and wherever I am. It's listening to Troubadour over and over again because that's what my son will settle down to while in the car seat. It's sometimes a feeling of doing it all on your own, well because let's face it...you're the mom. I think only being a mom will allow you to understand that. Motherhood is a slew of dirty diapers and changes of clothes. It's laying him down for the fourth time after breastfeeding to nap but as soon as he's out of my arms he begins to cry. Motherhood is finding 'me time' in the shower for a few minutes before I resume responsibilities. It's finding that I'm basically a milk factory.
It's asking for help when I absolutely need it but feel bad because "I should be able to do it all" (according to me). I know, I know, I'm not superwoman! Motherhood is trying to make sure my marriage hasn't taken a backseat. It's finding that intimacy is still painful. Motherhood is not only trying to take care of my newborn but also my husband because he doesn't begin to comprehend the ins and outs of my new role as a mother.
Now, let me tell you what else I've learned of motherhood. It's never knowing I could love this much. Motherhood is waking up every morning to a bright, blue-eyed boy who has turned my world upside down. It's listening to every coo he makes. Listening to his breathing while he's asleep in my arms. Motherhood is watching him suckle at my breast, knowing we are creating a bond that will last long after he stops breastfeeding. It's every diaper change, knowing he depends on me for every little thing. Motherhood is knowing when he cries for me it's because he wants me; he knows my smell; he knows my voice. He takes comfort in my touch. Motherhood is holding him a little longer than necessary because I know this time is fleeting.
Motherhood is learning to have a deeper relationship with my husband because we created this beautiful child out of love and he was by my side when Beringer came into this world. Motherhood is looking at every inch of my child and being amazed at the intricate design of him. It's taking joy when I realize he's discovered something new. It's every smile, every yawn, every stretch, every cry. Motherhood is thanking God for every part of this amazing humbling journey because I could have never asked for anything better.
Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon
Sunday, March 1, 2015
Go Away, Snow!
Am I right or am I right? As much as I like the snow, it's time for the snow to go. It's March now! Time to move on out!
I can't believe I haven't written in so long! It feels like it was just a few weeks ago rather than nearly 3 months ago.
Where to begin....I am now 34wk5dy along in the pregnancy. Nearly 5 weeks left! I can't believe it! The first few weeks of the 3rd trimester went by fairly quick but now the count down has begun to drag. I want Baby B to stay in there as long as he needs to but not a minute more than that. Josh and I are both ready for him to finally come out and play! I wake up nearly every morning to Baby B's squirming and kicking around and I love it. Our special time together is when I first wake up and when I get in bed at night. Most of the time kicking and squirming is how he wakes me up. Josh has said on several occasions Josh wakes up in the middle of the night to Baby B kicking his back when I'm snuggled up against him. Josh will role over and talk to him. We have found our little one recognizes our voices, loves music, likes his space, and surprisingly we have found that he is ticklish. Josh can lightly tickle my tummy and Baby B will try to move away from him. It's getting a little more difficult now seeing as he does not have as much room as he used to have.
We had the baby shower last week and for freezing temperatures and the start of snow we had a really great turn out! We received many things we needed and the things we didn't receive we got plenty of gift cards to help take care of the rest. If you attended, or sent gifts, or simply helped set up and take down- THANK YOU! It meant so much to us to have the support of friends and family present in the celebration of our soon coming baby boy.
I am amazed daily about the little miracle growing inside me. I thank God every day for this little boy and pray he continues to grow big and strong during the time he has left inside me. He already brings me and josh so much joy; I can't imagine what it'll be like when he finally does get here.
As most of you know, oilfield slowed down for about a month or two there which means Josh also slowed down quite a bit too. Thankfully, things have started to pick back up -at least for him anyway-. He has been home maybe 2 days this last week and although I miss him I'm glad he has a job. I'm glad he's a hard worker and is ready and willing to do just about anything they ask of him. He is training on a new tool on the job he's at right now and he's been out there since Friday morning. Nope, they don't shut down for snow or ice and he works in it. He doesn't complain or whine or grumble and I respect him so much for the man he is.
I was supposed to work this weekend but have some sort of cold thing going on so someone covered my shifts for me. Between not being able taking cold medicine and residents at the facility who are coming down with colds and me not feeling good anyway and not wanting to pass on my germs; I figured home was the best place to be. I have spent the last two days in bed either sleeping or reading. Today I am starting to feel better but still don't have a ton of energy.
We have another baby doctor appointment tomorrow afternoon. I am not sure what will be happening over the next few weeks at these appointments but I am happy to say we are down to weekly visits now! This is just another sign that the end is drawing near! We have our birthing class scheduled for the 14th this month and I can only hope we both walk away learning something crucial we will need when it is time for delivery. If you don't know, I am wanting to have this baby as naturally as possible. No medications or epidurals or anything. Now, you can be reading this thinking I am crazy,and maybe I am, but I have always wanted to do it this way for as long as I can remember wanting a child. I am afraid and nervous and everything in between, but here's something else I am -fearfully and wonderfully made! God will give me the strength I need and the power to do what I was created as a woman to do. Don't misunderstand me, if you had an epidural or medication or C-section or whatever I am not looking down on you or think you less of a woman in any way; to each their own. For me personally, I believe I am supposed to have this Baby without any of those things. So when you get the announcement that I've gone into labor here's what I want most from you: YOUR PRAYERS!
I know I say this nearly every time I write but here I am to say it again. God never stops amazing me. I see His hand constantly! Whether it's in the kicks and jolts my son likes to give me on a daily basis, or guiding us through the tight spots when the oilfield slowed down, or like now, when Josh has had one job after another the last week and half. God is faithful in everything and sees us through.
If you're having a hard time right now with faith or trust in God or you feel like you don't see him working in your life. Hear me when I say, we all feel that way at times. We wonder how he is working certain situations for his honor and glory when all we see is the devil fighting hard. GOD IS BIGGER! No, we don't always see how God works but here's the awesome thing; whether we see it or not- He is. He loves us beyond measure and knows the number of hairs on our head. He sent his Son not to condemn the world but to save it. So no, He's not sitting up in heaven with lightening bolts waiting to strike when we screw up. He waiting for you to come to Him and ask for help and forgiveness. Even when we don't ask for his help all the time because we don't realize we need it or are too stubborn to ask, He helps us out anyway. He's good all the time! Just hang on! The Master painter is painting a masterpiece in your life.
Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon
I can't believe I haven't written in so long! It feels like it was just a few weeks ago rather than nearly 3 months ago.
Where to begin....I am now 34wk5dy along in the pregnancy. Nearly 5 weeks left! I can't believe it! The first few weeks of the 3rd trimester went by fairly quick but now the count down has begun to drag. I want Baby B to stay in there as long as he needs to but not a minute more than that. Josh and I are both ready for him to finally come out and play! I wake up nearly every morning to Baby B's squirming and kicking around and I love it. Our special time together is when I first wake up and when I get in bed at night. Most of the time kicking and squirming is how he wakes me up. Josh has said on several occasions Josh wakes up in the middle of the night to Baby B kicking his back when I'm snuggled up against him. Josh will role over and talk to him. We have found our little one recognizes our voices, loves music, likes his space, and surprisingly we have found that he is ticklish. Josh can lightly tickle my tummy and Baby B will try to move away from him. It's getting a little more difficult now seeing as he does not have as much room as he used to have.
We had the baby shower last week and for freezing temperatures and the start of snow we had a really great turn out! We received many things we needed and the things we didn't receive we got plenty of gift cards to help take care of the rest. If you attended, or sent gifts, or simply helped set up and take down- THANK YOU! It meant so much to us to have the support of friends and family present in the celebration of our soon coming baby boy.
I am amazed daily about the little miracle growing inside me. I thank God every day for this little boy and pray he continues to grow big and strong during the time he has left inside me. He already brings me and josh so much joy; I can't imagine what it'll be like when he finally does get here.
As most of you know, oilfield slowed down for about a month or two there which means Josh also slowed down quite a bit too. Thankfully, things have started to pick back up -at least for him anyway-. He has been home maybe 2 days this last week and although I miss him I'm glad he has a job. I'm glad he's a hard worker and is ready and willing to do just about anything they ask of him. He is training on a new tool on the job he's at right now and he's been out there since Friday morning. Nope, they don't shut down for snow or ice and he works in it. He doesn't complain or whine or grumble and I respect him so much for the man he is.
I was supposed to work this weekend but have some sort of cold thing going on so someone covered my shifts for me. Between not being able taking cold medicine and residents at the facility who are coming down with colds and me not feeling good anyway and not wanting to pass on my germs; I figured home was the best place to be. I have spent the last two days in bed either sleeping or reading. Today I am starting to feel better but still don't have a ton of energy.
We have another baby doctor appointment tomorrow afternoon. I am not sure what will be happening over the next few weeks at these appointments but I am happy to say we are down to weekly visits now! This is just another sign that the end is drawing near! We have our birthing class scheduled for the 14th this month and I can only hope we both walk away learning something crucial we will need when it is time for delivery. If you don't know, I am wanting to have this baby as naturally as possible. No medications or epidurals or anything. Now, you can be reading this thinking I am crazy,and maybe I am, but I have always wanted to do it this way for as long as I can remember wanting a child. I am afraid and nervous and everything in between, but here's something else I am -fearfully and wonderfully made! God will give me the strength I need and the power to do what I was created as a woman to do. Don't misunderstand me, if you had an epidural or medication or C-section or whatever I am not looking down on you or think you less of a woman in any way; to each their own. For me personally, I believe I am supposed to have this Baby without any of those things. So when you get the announcement that I've gone into labor here's what I want most from you: YOUR PRAYERS!
I know I say this nearly every time I write but here I am to say it again. God never stops amazing me. I see His hand constantly! Whether it's in the kicks and jolts my son likes to give me on a daily basis, or guiding us through the tight spots when the oilfield slowed down, or like now, when Josh has had one job after another the last week and half. God is faithful in everything and sees us through.
If you're having a hard time right now with faith or trust in God or you feel like you don't see him working in your life. Hear me when I say, we all feel that way at times. We wonder how he is working certain situations for his honor and glory when all we see is the devil fighting hard. GOD IS BIGGER! No, we don't always see how God works but here's the awesome thing; whether we see it or not- He is. He loves us beyond measure and knows the number of hairs on our head. He sent his Son not to condemn the world but to save it. So no, He's not sitting up in heaven with lightening bolts waiting to strike when we screw up. He waiting for you to come to Him and ask for help and forgiveness. Even when we don't ask for his help all the time because we don't realize we need it or are too stubborn to ask, He helps us out anyway. He's good all the time! Just hang on! The Master painter is painting a masterpiece in your life.
Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon
Thursday, November 6, 2014
It's a Boy!
That's right, everyone! We are having a boy! We found out Monday and got to see his little face, hands, feet, and hear his heartbeat again. The ultrasound tech was able to tell right off the bat we have a little boy growing in there. We debated back and forth for a long time whether we were going to invite our mom's to go with us but in the end decided it should just be him and me. I think that was the best decision and it was very special for us.
That night we met our parents, my sister, and her husband at a steakhouse and bought everyone blue drinks to make the announcement! There was hollering and cheering and clapping and apparently there were bets being made between our parents on the way to the steakhouse.
I am now 18 weeks along and feel great. The baby is moving more and more. Josh was able to feel him move for the first time just the other day. Yes, I cried and he was so excited! Baby B was kicking up a storm there for a little while.
We took about a week off from work and painted the nursery monkey colors! Our theme is Curious George...if anyone wanted to know. We also finished some stuff on the 'honey-do list' that has been needing to get done for a while. Josh woke up this morning pretty sick. I must say this is the first time I have taken care of Josh while he is actually sick (not just a cough and runny nose). Thankfully, we don't get sick that often I guess.
We just recently celebrated our three year anniversary! It's seems like we just got married a few months ago at times and here we are expecting our first baby. It has been a roller coaster ride so far and I think we are about to get on a new roller coaster filled with loops, dark tunnels, and a few sharp turns. It's all about who's sitting in the seat beside you though that makes the ride fun, right? I know I have the one God chose for me sitting right beside me. That's all that matters. Sometimes I find myself taking a mental step back and seeing how our life is unfolding. I gotta say, this picture is way better than the one I ever imagined for myself. God continues to show us just exactly who He is and we are grateful every day for each of his blessings. I'm really trying to learn how to just be still and know that our awesome Heavenly Father has every single thing under His control. At times I get anxious about stuff and begin to worry but I am constantly reminded that He's got this! He's got the whole thing and all I need to do is enjoy the ride; trust Him. Sometimes that's easier said than done and it's a lesson I don't know if I will ever come to completely understand but I do know this- He's teaching me every single day.
I don't have anything too deep to say this go-around but sometimes it's the simple things that count. So here it is put simply- love God, love others, enjoy life, trust when life is fun AND when it gets rocky because God didn't promise that every step would be easy.
You'll hear from me again soon! Don't you know Autumn is my favorite season? I always find more things to write about when there are so many festivities!
Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon
That night we met our parents, my sister, and her husband at a steakhouse and bought everyone blue drinks to make the announcement! There was hollering and cheering and clapping and apparently there were bets being made between our parents on the way to the steakhouse.
I am now 18 weeks along and feel great. The baby is moving more and more. Josh was able to feel him move for the first time just the other day. Yes, I cried and he was so excited! Baby B was kicking up a storm there for a little while.
We took about a week off from work and painted the nursery monkey colors! Our theme is Curious George...if anyone wanted to know. We also finished some stuff on the 'honey-do list' that has been needing to get done for a while. Josh woke up this morning pretty sick. I must say this is the first time I have taken care of Josh while he is actually sick (not just a cough and runny nose). Thankfully, we don't get sick that often I guess.
We just recently celebrated our three year anniversary! It's seems like we just got married a few months ago at times and here we are expecting our first baby. It has been a roller coaster ride so far and I think we are about to get on a new roller coaster filled with loops, dark tunnels, and a few sharp turns. It's all about who's sitting in the seat beside you though that makes the ride fun, right? I know I have the one God chose for me sitting right beside me. That's all that matters. Sometimes I find myself taking a mental step back and seeing how our life is unfolding. I gotta say, this picture is way better than the one I ever imagined for myself. God continues to show us just exactly who He is and we are grateful every day for each of his blessings. I'm really trying to learn how to just be still and know that our awesome Heavenly Father has every single thing under His control. At times I get anxious about stuff and begin to worry but I am constantly reminded that He's got this! He's got the whole thing and all I need to do is enjoy the ride; trust Him. Sometimes that's easier said than done and it's a lesson I don't know if I will ever come to completely understand but I do know this- He's teaching me every single day.
I don't have anything too deep to say this go-around but sometimes it's the simple things that count. So here it is put simply- love God, love others, enjoy life, trust when life is fun AND when it gets rocky because God didn't promise that every step would be easy.
You'll hear from me again soon! Don't you know Autumn is my favorite season? I always find more things to write about when there are so many festivities!
Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon
Thursday, August 7, 2014
It's About Time...
Since it has been over a year ago since I last posted anything I figured it was about time to do so.
Just about everything from A to Z has happened since my post last July; so I'll start with August of 2013.
August I started nursing school back up. I cried daily for about a week straight and a quite a few times in the months following. The idea that I was starting all over again was unbearable. I didn't think I had the strength or willpower to complete it. God came through; just like He always does. He strengthened me and maybe I didn't always push forward for the right reasons but nevertheless, I pushed on. Many times, it was out of the desire to prove to the previous teachers and director over me I was called to be a nurse, no matter what they thought about me. God has called me from a very young age to be a nurse and I could not let what they thought or said get in the way of what God had destined inside me. I spent 10 grueling months in a fast paced program! You know what though? I learned a heck of a lot more than I did before. I had teachers that wanted us to learn, believed in each one of us, and wanted to see us succeed. The whole class dynamics were much different. We were a team, a group on the same journey with the same goals in mind. Did I get along with everyone? Nope, quite a few people I couldn't stand but I had a group of people who became close and dear to me.
Fast forward to June 13th, 2014- I graduated from nursing school. Fast forward to August 4th, 2014- I took the NCLEX and passed. I am now a certified practical nurse!
Josh and I saved up some money and lived in our camper trailer for 1 year and 1 month. It was definitely an adventure and I would do it again in a heartbeat if we needed to. We learned so much about each other; how to work in a small environment together, and since we didn't have much room we learned how to just sit there and talk (when I wasn't studying). I became closer with his family and he with mine. In May, we bought our first house. I haven't figured out how to use all the room we have but I'm sure I'll find some way. We have an acre of land and a huge back porch; the back porch is my favorite part of the house.
Back in March, during spring break, Josh and I decided to start trying for a baby. About a week ago I took a pregnancy test that came back positive. Josh was away on a job and didn't have cell
service. He made me promise before he left if I found anything out I would tell him immediately. Although I wanted to wait for him to come home and tell him, I ended up sending him an email. (Boo; I know). Regardless, he was excited! We had our first appointment yesterday and according to the doctor I am just over 5 weeks pregnant and the estimated due date is April 7th, 2015. We are trying to not get too excited until after the 1st Trimester (just in case) but it's kind of hard when I can physically feel the changes going on in my body right now. We surprised our parents last Sunday when we had them over for a fish fry. They definitely were not expecting anything and it felt good to see so much excitement in their faces when we told them.
Father God never ceases to amaze me. His blessings flow abundantly. I know not everything in life is rainbows and butterflies but I can say I see His hand move in every situation; both good and bad. He may allow me to carry this baby full term and He may allow me to miscarry. I am aware either could be the result. I don't want to speak that over the baby growing inside. God knows my heart and knows the heart of my husband. All we can do now is trust and know his will is what we want most in our lives.
Since school is over and Summer is coming to a close, I am hoping to have more free time to write. I don't know who all reads my posts but it's a type of therapy for me that I have missed doing. If you read it, great; if you don't, that's okay too.
Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon
Just about everything from A to Z has happened since my post last July; so I'll start with August of 2013.
August I started nursing school back up. I cried daily for about a week straight and a quite a few times in the months following. The idea that I was starting all over again was unbearable. I didn't think I had the strength or willpower to complete it. God came through; just like He always does. He strengthened me and maybe I didn't always push forward for the right reasons but nevertheless, I pushed on. Many times, it was out of the desire to prove to the previous teachers and director over me I was called to be a nurse, no matter what they thought about me. God has called me from a very young age to be a nurse and I could not let what they thought or said get in the way of what God had destined inside me. I spent 10 grueling months in a fast paced program! You know what though? I learned a heck of a lot more than I did before. I had teachers that wanted us to learn, believed in each one of us, and wanted to see us succeed. The whole class dynamics were much different. We were a team, a group on the same journey with the same goals in mind. Did I get along with everyone? Nope, quite a few people I couldn't stand but I had a group of people who became close and dear to me.
Fast forward to June 13th, 2014- I graduated from nursing school. Fast forward to August 4th, 2014- I took the NCLEX and passed. I am now a certified practical nurse!
Josh and I saved up some money and lived in our camper trailer for 1 year and 1 month. It was definitely an adventure and I would do it again in a heartbeat if we needed to. We learned so much about each other; how to work in a small environment together, and since we didn't have much room we learned how to just sit there and talk (when I wasn't studying). I became closer with his family and he with mine. In May, we bought our first house. I haven't figured out how to use all the room we have but I'm sure I'll find some way. We have an acre of land and a huge back porch; the back porch is my favorite part of the house.
Back in March, during spring break, Josh and I decided to start trying for a baby. About a week ago I took a pregnancy test that came back positive. Josh was away on a job and didn't have cell
service. He made me promise before he left if I found anything out I would tell him immediately. Although I wanted to wait for him to come home and tell him, I ended up sending him an email. (Boo; I know). Regardless, he was excited! We had our first appointment yesterday and according to the doctor I am just over 5 weeks pregnant and the estimated due date is April 7th, 2015. We are trying to not get too excited until after the 1st Trimester (just in case) but it's kind of hard when I can physically feel the changes going on in my body right now. We surprised our parents last Sunday when we had them over for a fish fry. They definitely were not expecting anything and it felt good to see so much excitement in their faces when we told them.
Father God never ceases to amaze me. His blessings flow abundantly. I know not everything in life is rainbows and butterflies but I can say I see His hand move in every situation; both good and bad. He may allow me to carry this baby full term and He may allow me to miscarry. I am aware either could be the result. I don't want to speak that over the baby growing inside. God knows my heart and knows the heart of my husband. All we can do now is trust and know his will is what we want most in our lives.
Since school is over and Summer is coming to a close, I am hoping to have more free time to write. I don't know who all reads my posts but it's a type of therapy for me that I have missed doing. If you read it, great; if you don't, that's okay too.
Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Time Flies when You're having Fun...or Not!
It has been forever since I last wrote. Quite honestly, I can't remember what I last wrote about or when. I have been wanting to post for a few weeks now and have finally found the time to do so. They say time flies when you're having fun; I guess that's true although in my case it's just been way too busy. Where do I begin to catch you up on everything that's been going on?...
Let's start back in May. I withdrew from the LPN program for a number of different reasons. To make a long story short, there was an incident between a teacher and I and after the misunderstanding she began failing me in most all of the classes that I had with her. I could not seem to plead my case with the director of nursing and when it came down to it they were going to dismiss me. When I came to the school to have the meeting with my director and the teacher they had already packed up my desk and had everything sitting for me in the office. It truly was all unfair. I had never felt so degraded and put down in my educational career. I can only believe God has a better plan for me.
I am now currently enrolled in Moore Norman Technology Center and will be starting all over in the LPN program. Also another set back, but I'd like to think God is wanting me to do it all over again because by the time I withdrew from the program in Burns Flat, I was no longer learning anything but rather memorizing material for tests. I was told by my director in Burns Flat all my classes I completed would transfer. After I applied to the program at MNTC, I was informed none of my classes would transfer because it was a different curriculum.
So...what am I doing now? Just enjoying my summer and trying to get pumped up for August when I begin school again. Josh and I have moved back to Tuttle and are living in our camper trailer until we decide what we are going to do about living situations. We are debating on whether to buy a house, or build instead. We are saving up money right now for whatever we decide and waiting on some direction from God on what He wants us to do.
In the last few months I have seriously gone thru a grieving process. I have gone from anger to sadness, from sadness to anger, from anger to understanding, and from understanding to confusion. It seems to be a bit of a cycle. In the last few weeks I have done much better and know God has everything in his hands and I just need to trust Him. Yes, I'm upset because I was almost done with my schooling. Yes, I'm upset with the way I was treated. No, I don't think anything was handled in the proper manner. Yes, I know God is in control. Yes, I know He loves me and only wants the best for me. I take the punches that life hands me and try to give it over to my God. Josh has also been a big help. He has supported me every step of the way and encourages me to keep going. God really did create Josh just for me! I couldn't imagine being married to anyone else.
What's my point in this whole post? Basically, life isn't always fair. It doesn't always make the most sense. God has a plan for each of us though, We may not see his plan and we may get upset and frustrated along the way. Hold on though, God is making your life into a masterpiece; you will just have to wait and see the picture when it's finished.
Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon
Let's start back in May. I withdrew from the LPN program for a number of different reasons. To make a long story short, there was an incident between a teacher and I and after the misunderstanding she began failing me in most all of the classes that I had with her. I could not seem to plead my case with the director of nursing and when it came down to it they were going to dismiss me. When I came to the school to have the meeting with my director and the teacher they had already packed up my desk and had everything sitting for me in the office. It truly was all unfair. I had never felt so degraded and put down in my educational career. I can only believe God has a better plan for me.
I am now currently enrolled in Moore Norman Technology Center and will be starting all over in the LPN program. Also another set back, but I'd like to think God is wanting me to do it all over again because by the time I withdrew from the program in Burns Flat, I was no longer learning anything but rather memorizing material for tests. I was told by my director in Burns Flat all my classes I completed would transfer. After I applied to the program at MNTC, I was informed none of my classes would transfer because it was a different curriculum.
So...what am I doing now? Just enjoying my summer and trying to get pumped up for August when I begin school again. Josh and I have moved back to Tuttle and are living in our camper trailer until we decide what we are going to do about living situations. We are debating on whether to buy a house, or build instead. We are saving up money right now for whatever we decide and waiting on some direction from God on what He wants us to do.
In the last few months I have seriously gone thru a grieving process. I have gone from anger to sadness, from sadness to anger, from anger to understanding, and from understanding to confusion. It seems to be a bit of a cycle. In the last few weeks I have done much better and know God has everything in his hands and I just need to trust Him. Yes, I'm upset because I was almost done with my schooling. Yes, I'm upset with the way I was treated. No, I don't think anything was handled in the proper manner. Yes, I know God is in control. Yes, I know He loves me and only wants the best for me. I take the punches that life hands me and try to give it over to my God. Josh has also been a big help. He has supported me every step of the way and encourages me to keep going. God really did create Josh just for me! I couldn't imagine being married to anyone else.
What's my point in this whole post? Basically, life isn't always fair. It doesn't always make the most sense. God has a plan for each of us though, We may not see his plan and we may get upset and frustrated along the way. Hold on though, God is making your life into a masterpiece; you will just have to wait and see the picture when it's finished.
Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon
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