Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Decisions Decisions

It's been a little bit since I wrote last and within the last week I have been wanting to sit down and write again. Josh and I celebrated 5 years of marriage this last weekend. I can't believe it's been 5 years already. As I look back at our relatively short time we've been married God has led us through so much and all I can do is praise Him for his goodness to us. We've been through nursing school (twice; if you don't know the story, ask me later), we've been through the oilfield slowing down tremendously, Josh having to be off of work because of his eye issue he had for a while there, his father with cancer, living in a duplex in Burns Flat to living in our camper for a year (while going through nursing school), then buying a house, and lastly having our son. We have had several ups and downs but God has always been faithful.

Beringer is almost 19 months old now and he amazes me every day. He talks constantly and is always asking to watch "HooHooHaaHaa" which being interpreted means Curious George. He loves running after our chickens, feeding them, and watering them. He is always wanting to go outside and explore. He is sassy, loveable, smart, and loves to have stories read to him.

Since Beringer has come along and turned our world upside down I am learning more and more how at the end of the day all that matters is family. I've been working through some personal things the last month or so and God continues to speak these words over me, "I have made you. I have chosen you to be the wife and mother you are". I remind myself of these words when I get angry, hurt, upset, or frustrated... with those around me. Some do not understand because they do not have children of their own or are just plain rude. Others just like to give me advice on how I should be doing things differently for my son because of how they raised their own children. In turn, I choose not to be around those who frustrate/hurt me because of their lack of knowledge/experience and for those who give me advice on how to raise Beringer I just remind them they already had the opportunity to raise their children and the choices I make in raising mine is of my concern alone. Then I go in the bedroom, hold my son, and pray for patience and peace. God reminds me of who I am. He reminds me of the most important task He has given me. He reminds me how He has equipped me with everything I'll need to fulfill His purpose in my life. I am growing. I am changing. It hurts but it is liberating. I am making new revelation. Don't get me wrong. I am not saying I know everything there is to being a mother. I listen to wise counsel and heed sound advice but when I am belittled for my choices or excluded because of my son, I have to decide how to handle each situation as they come. Some are easier to make than others but each decision is made with my son's best interest in mind. It all comes down to family. They are what matter.

I guess my point is this: Things are going to happen in life that will make you re-evaluate decisions, ways you are living, how time is spent. People will come and people will go. Everyone will have an opinion or their two cents to put in. There are those that will say they want to spend time with you but make no attempts at seeing you. People will hurt you. It is what you do in response that matters. It's about loving in spite of anger or hurt. It's about who's still standing there beside you when the dust settles. It's about family or those you consider family.

I would love to sit and write so much more but I can't. Beringer just woke up and he needs to go back to sleep. Just remember who is important. If you're a mom struggling with some of the issues I talked about above- YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You are valuable, important, and have a high calling. You are raising sons and daughters to grow up to be loving, respectable, honest adults. You have to make decisions for them now that will allow them to thrive. Whether that means stepping away from people who don't understand how truly valuable your child is or if it means to stand your ground on decisions you've made in raising your child; God will guide you. Let him.

Until next time,

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