My Little Spit Fire

Hey, Everyone! I know it's been a little bit since I wrote last but time is tight with three kiddos; it's a 24/7 kind of thing. There has been quite a bit going on in our lives the last few months with Josh being laid off and Covid-19 craziness but God has been faithful and good to us. We are walking into a new season of life as a family and we are praying for God's guidance as we figure out each new step.

The whole reason for this post tonight is actually because of my Boston James. I don't know if it's because his birthday is tomorrow or if it was just laid on my heart but let me tell you what happened tonight. I am writing this all down because I want him to be able to look back at what I have written one day and read these words. I  also want YOU to know just how special I think my Bossy Boy is. 

I believe God showed me something about my son that I want to share with you and I want him to be able to reference later in life. I feel it is so important for me to write this for him. 

Tonight I am praying over my kids while they are falling asleep. I begin first by praying for Beringer and for his inquisitive spirit to lead him to seek answers from God; to question and be curious and seek out the things of God. I then begin praying for Boston. I am praying for his fiery spirit to cause him to be on fire for God. Suddenly, this dream/vision (whatever you want to call it) comes to my mind and hits me so hard. I see my son on top of the world with a fire burning underneath him and he is yelling SO LOUD to everyone below him!

 I then revert back to memories of his birth; how he came into this world so hard and fast. Even at his birth I remember thinking, "This boy is gonna be a spit fire!". I just knew he was going to be a force to be reckoned with.

 As I am continuing to pray over him, I know I need to go find Josh and have him take a few minutes to cover our younger boy in prayer also; it's almost an urgency in my spirit to do this. Once we are both praying over Boston, the word 'fire' is just stuck in my mind and I am praying that the fire of God overtakes him. God then gives me these words, "Fire for Fire" and it just keeps repeating as I see Boston as a grown man with a fire burning so close behind him it seemed to be part of him. He was standing toe to toe with someone else who had a fire behind them too but their fire was a different color than his own. It was as if both of their fires were battling and Boston's was getting larger and larger while the other couldn't keep up. 

In my mind's eye, I then see David preparing to take on Goliath when David tells Goliath,"You come to me with all this armor but I come with the Lord of hosts".

"Fire for Fire" continues to repeat in my mind as I once again see my grown son in officer blues walking down the street preparing for a spiritual battle with a fire burning so brightly behind him it is as if that fire is what is pushing him forward and singeing everything within it's reach. The look on Boston's face is so focused and hard as he walks with a purpose towards whatever is in front of him with the fire beginning to surround him.

Just like that, it's as if I wake up. The dream/vision is over and I realize I have been crying and Josh is holding my hand. Y'all, I don't know what the future holds for my second child but I am praying protection and a Holy Fire to reign down on him. 

I think DC Talk said it best in their song God's Not Dead with these lines:

"Let heaven roar, and fire fall

Come shake the ground

With the sound of revival"

Until next time,

ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon

Song in My Heart

It's a few days into the new year and tonight I'm not exhausted and want to write. I've been wanting to write for a while now but... babies.  Need I say more?
Benelli Rayne made her appearance mid November and she made me wait all day before making a debut. I have to be honest when I say, she has been my most difficult child and she's not even 2 months old yet. Gas, constipation and sickness; I have more grays on my head than I've ever seen before. Josh has been working in North Dakota the last few weeks and as thankful as I am that he still has a job and working as much as he is, it's terrible timing. Thankfully, I have my mom, mother-in-law and sister all helping out. Otherwise, I would be a lot worse off mentally. I think we are finally seeing an end to some of the issues at hand but I'm not holding my breath til I know for sure.
The boys are in love with their baby sister and Beringer has been my biggest little helper. They talk to her and love on her all the time (which is probably why we haven't kicked these viruses 100% yet).

I don't really know what the point of this post is but it's on my heart to share what I'm about to so maybe it's not for me at all, I don't know.
As y'all know, I sing to the boys every night and after our few regulars I will start to sing whatever comes to mind. About 2 weeks ago I just started worshiping and crying out to God in song from my own heart. I'll do that sometimes but it's few and far between in song. I'm supposed to share it now with you:
 
Help me to love like You, oh God
To love just like You
For You are love, oh God
Never changing and true

Help me to trust You
Through the highs and the lows
I turn my face toward You
When I don't know where to go

Please promise You'll catch me
With arms open wide
I can't do this alone
It's in You I hide

And when I'm down in the valley
The valley so low
Will You carry me
I am too weak on my own

When I'm up on that mountain
That mountain so high
Can I stand on your shoulders
And raise my hands to the sky

Let me praise You, God
I just want to praise You
My heart is Yours
My heart is Yours

I'll praise You in the valley
I'll praise You on the mountain top
My hands I raise to You
May I never stop praising You

You've never failed me
You'll never fail me
You haven't failed me yet

No, You can never fail
You never have and You never will
You never will fail me, God

I don't know why I was to share all that with you but God knows. He really never will fail us. He can't. Ever.  He doesn't hold things over our heads. It's not His nature. He IS love. We can rest in that.  Be at peace with whatever is going on in life and know God is bigger.

Until next time,
ActionjacksontheAngloSaxon

I Know Who Holds Tomorrow

It's been a few months. What's happened since then? Not much and everything in between. My hands have been itching to write for about a week now and it takes me a little while to really know what it is I'm supposed to write about. This morning, on the way home from church it hit me and now I know. We'll get to that though.

We are having a girl if you happened to miss it on Facebook. Benelli Rayne Rogers should make her appearance mid-November unless she surprises us. I am almost 27 weeks along now and feeling great. I am tired more but don't know if that's from chasing two boys around (who are now 4 and 2) or if it's because of the pregnancy. The boys are beyond excited for their baby sister and Josh already knows he'll be wrapped around her tiny finger. The boys start a pre-k/preschool program next week that will be Tuesday/Thursday. They are both excited and it will give me some time to prepare for Benelli and get my continuing education classes for my LPN done before my license is up in November. Josh is still working crazy hours although work has slowed down quite a bit with it pushing towards the end of the year. He still keeps pretty busy though and for that I'm thankful.

Part of our nighttime routine while putting the boys to sleep is I'll sing to them after story and prayers. We have a few staple songs I sing every time because it's their favorites and then I just start singing whatever comes to mind. Two songs I have sang to them fairly consistently are His Eye is On the Sparrow and I Know Who Holds Tomorrow. These have been placed on my heart continually and I find myself singing them throughout the day sometimes also.

The last few months I've been anxious about some things. Anxious about what the future will look like; questioning myself, questioning God. Am I making the right decisions for my children? Can I be doing better? What are they lacking?

If you don't know, I am no longer speaking to my father. I could go into all the details but to save me time and tears, long story short, he made a bad decision. One he has made several times throughout my life that has caused heartache, insecurities, and a slew of other things I should probably go to therapy for. This time, it happened with my own children and it affected them. I was not given the opportunity growing up to get out of the situation. I will not allow the feelings of insecurity, lack of self worth, and questions of being loved to have a place in the life of my children. Beringer understands his G made a wrong choice and he understands that I will not allow him to be part of his life unless I feel he has truly changed and not just putting on a show for everyone to see; (He is a great actor and can play the part for a long time). Beringer says something about him at least once a week and every time it hurts. It hurts me for what my father did. I hurt for my sons. It hurts me for the future I thought they would have with their grandparents that they don't have now. They are missing out on so much but I know I am keeping them emotionally from so much hurt also. I get mad all the time about the situation I've been put in; that my family has been put in.

Many other small things that accumulate into big things which cause anxiety and worry on my part that I have no control over. Today in church I Know Who Holds Tomorrow was sung and I absolutely lost it. I mean tears down my cheek and snot running. I know God did that just for me; reminding me He is there every step of the way. This is why it's been on my heart the last few weeks. In case you aren't familiar with the song or need a refresher, here it is:

"God sent His son, they called Him Jesus
He came to love, heal and forgive
He lived and died to buy my pardon
An empty grave is there to prove my savior lives

 

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is gone
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living, just because He lives

 

And then one day, I'll cross the river
I'll fight life's final war with pain
And then, as death gives way to victory
I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He reigns

 

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is gone
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living, just because He lives"

 

He's got this. I don't know what the future will look like for my family. I have a little girl coming and I don't know if she'll meet her grandfather. I don't know if my sons will be mad at me one day for keeping them away or understanding my reasoning behind it. I don't know if in 10 years my father will make the same decisions he's made every other time. Too many question marks. Too much hurt. Too many things I'm not willing to put my children through on only the hope of broken promises. It makes my heart beat faster, my eyes well with tears, and yet... yet, I am reminded God is in control and Jesus is enough. Right now, as I am typing, my little girl is jumping around inside me and God's goodness overwhelms me. He will lead me and my family down the path we need to follow. I have forgiven my father and sometimes have to forgive him several times a day. If true repentance has come, God has already forgotten his sin because of the blood of Jesus. He loves my father as much as he loves my children. He knows the number of hairs on our head and if He cares for the sparrows, He surely cares for us. I have to trust Him daily. I need Him daily. I am still learning to rest on his promises and learning how to cope with anxiety and fear. Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. He holds the future. He's already been there. I find that I still live in fear but am learning how to live in victory.

 

Until next time,

ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon

Beautiful Mess

It's been a while since I've written! I didn't realize it's been so long. Per the usual, something happens that hits my heart and I have to share with all of you.

These last few weeks have been hectic to say the least. Josh has been working with little to no days off lately because Halliburton has been so busy here. As thankful as I am for my hardworking husband,  his job, and those paychecks, he needs a few days off and so do I. Playing the single parent is not easy! My hat is off to those who are single parents and probably working a full time job as well.


Keeping up with a 3 year old and a 1 year old has kept me on my toes. I'm constantly chasing, feeding, cleaning, bathing... you get the idea. After a near melt down the other day, due to only getting about an hour or so of sleep the night before, I was both physically and mentally exhausted.

Last night, during a late dinner, i was thinking about my list of things to do to get the boys ready for bed; the 2 loads of laundry that needed to be folded, the sheets on my bed that have sand from two little boys that like to play in the sand box (especially AFTER their bath), the dishes I knew that could wait til morning, when my very quick Boston James stuck his fingers in the sour cream/salsa mix and began drawing on the table. I wasn't mad. He was playing happily and I could wipe up the table. I got up, got a rag,  and started wiping Boston down. Out of the blue Beringer says, "Mom, look at that beautiful mess!" Yeah,  that hit my heart. In that moment I stopped and thanked God for the beautiful mess He blessed me with.

For every finger printed window and bathroom mirror, for every spill, for every dirty face, every, "It was an accident", "I didn't mean to."; every sand covered scalp and toys scattered everywhere; I am thankful.  I am so thankful for the beautiful mess.

It's not always easy. It's often frustrating and difficult. God, in His infinite wisdom, didn't promise ease. He said childbirth would be painful. He said he'd never give us more than we could bear. He said children are a blessing from Him. He's especially fond of His own.

This time of beautiful messes will soon pass and I will be wishing for that time back. I pray I never take it for granted and hold my ornery boys a little tighter; just a little longer. May I remember that with every peanut butter and jelly face is a blue eyed boy with a smile just for me. Every muddy footprint on my tile means I have little boys who seek adventure. Every moment is special and every mess is temporary, but beautiful.

Happy Father's Day to every Father and Father figure out there.  Happy Father's day to the mother's who are stepping up when there is no father in the picture.

A special shout out to my own father who has raised strong, independent kids and who's an excellent G to his grandsons. To my Father in law: thank you for raising a son who works hard and loves his family. Thank you for being a fun Pop-Pop to your grand-boys. Lastly, to my husband: Thank you for being a loving husband and awesome daddy to our sons. I couldn't imagine life without you in it.

Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon

Prayer Time

I know I just posted the other day but i felt compelled to share what happened tonight and it's a little long for a Facebook post.

While going through our nightly bedtime routine the last few things to do were our prayer and then I rub Beringer's back 'til he falls asleep. Beringer was tired and I was mentally exhausted. I thought about skipping prayer time and just telling him to roll on his side so I could rub his back. I get Boston situated in my lap and latched on. I turn to tell Beringer to let me rub his back when I see I him holding his hand out and he says, "Hold my hand, Mama. Let's pray." Father gently reminded me of so much in just those few words and an outreached hand.

He reminded me I'm raising boys to be Godly men. He reminded me to pray without ceasing. He reminded me to pray regardless of how I feel. He reminded me that He chose me to lead and guide my sons. He reminded me that it's not about me and all about Him. I'm the example my boys will see on a day to day basis. He reminded me of my need for Him. He reminded me of all these things and my response was, "Forgive me". To Beringer I said, "Yes, let's pray". I then took his little boy hand with dirt under his fingernails (even after a bath) and prayed.

We have prayed nearly every night for a while now and sometimes Beringer will tell me to pray for certain people. We have prayed over situations, we have prayed for healing. I have seen God begin answering big prayers. The power of prayer is awesome. The power of prayer from a child's heart is miraculous. I think Jesus listens extra close to the heart of a child.

Matthew 19:14
  But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.

Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon

Just Thankful

Well, with Thanksgiving tomorrow I'm sitting here rocking Boston and watching both my boys sleep, reminiscing over the last year and thinking about everything I have to be thankful for. Josh is working right now and the house is completely quiet except the sound of my boys' breathing. I haven't written in a few months. Obviously, you know why; having two boys keeps me busy. I still need to write though, so here I am.

Guys, I'm just thankful. Beyond thankful for what God has done this last year. Few know I miscarried before Boston.  I was not very far along and knew the risk of miscarriage is higher in the first 6 weeks.  2 weeks after the miscarriage God gave us Boston. I have learned since having Boston that it is very rare to get pregnant that quick after miscarriage. I guess God decided to bless us sooner rather than later. Although I wonder often what that second child would have been like, I can't imagine my life without Boston. After going to two different OBs, I was tired of getting told what to do and how to handle different situations. I asked Josh to consider a midwife and let me do a home birth. As soon as I walked into Community Midwives I knew that's where I was supposed to be. I was able to have Boston at home the way I wanted and where I felt most comfortable. I am so thankful for the team of midwives and doulas I had. I knew my voice was being heard and i had the best one on one care.

While pregnant with Boston God told me to quit my job. Now I get to stay home with my two boys and I'm not worried about what I'm supposed to do to keep up my license.  Eventually, I'll go back to work but only when God tells me to move. Right now, these boys are my job. I'm so thankful that Josh can provide for our family to where I have that option to stay home. I know that's not possible for every family.  

During this last year, 3 family members received the news that they had cancer. My one year old nephew rang the cancer-free bell yesterday.  My grandfather is finished with his radiation and doing fine.  My aunt is currently going through chemo and, from what I understand,  this type of cancer is very treatable. I've seen God's hand move time and time again and can't deny Him the praise he deserves.

While the oilfield has been slow, and there were a few tight times financially, God came through with little unforseen blessings. He has reminded us to be faithful to him and He will take care of the rest. Work has been fairly consistent for Josh and we know it's simply God's favor. 

I hope it doesn't sound like I'm bragging because that's not what I'm trying to do. I'm simply acknowledging the goodness of God and His blessings on my family. I told you, I just have a lot to be thankful for.  

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the year. As a kid, it was because of the pumpkin pie and other delicious food. As I've gotten older, it's because thankfulness does the heart and mind good. This time of year reminds me to be thankful in ALL things and in ALL THINGS be content.

Happy Thanksgiving! 

Until next time, 

ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon

You Love Me, Mommy

A month into parenting two and let me tell you, it's not easy. Some aspects are easier this go around but over all it takes more strategy, better prioritizing, more work, less sleep, and asking for more help. It definitely "takes a village". Beringer is helpful one minute and not so much the next. His little world has turned upside down and he's handling it like a champ. He loves his baby brother and wants to love and kiss on him all the time. If Boston is not in the same room as Beringer, he wants to know why. He waits for him to wake up in the mornings and when he sees him starting to stir he tells me, "He's waking up!", then he will get right next to Boston and say, "Good morning, Boston James!". Over all, it's been a great transition with no major issues but let me tell you about the one thing that broke my heart just a little bit. 

I knew Beringer would need that one on one special time with both mommy and daddy after Boston's arrival. We had each been taking time with him throughout the day to do just that.  One morning, probably a week after Boston was born, Beringer woke up and he was upset and crying. He wanted to lay in a certain spot, a certain way etc, and nothing I was doing would suffice. I woke Josh up and told him to take Boston from me because I thought Beringer maybe just wanted me to snuggle him. When I handed Boston over, I turned back to Beringer with my arms open and said, "Come here, baby. Let me love on you". He came into my arms and I pulled him in close when he asked," You love me, Mommy?" Guys, my world literally stopped for a half second. My sight became blurry because of the tears and I whispered in his ear, "I love you so much.  I love you more than you will ever know." I kissed him all over his face and kept telling him how much I loved him.  He asked twice more during all of this but the questions then turned to statements. Rather than, "You love me, Mommy?" They turned into you, "You love me,  Mommy!". 

Later that day I was playing the scene over in my mind and I just thought,  "He should never have to ask or wonder". He is my first born! He made me a mommy. He will never understand how I watched him sleep at night as an infant because I wanted to make sure he was breathing.  How I would listen to his every sound.  How I watch him and become over joyed when he's accomplished a new task. How i love the way he says the word chocolate, or remote. How I hurt for him when he is hurt, physically or emotionally.  How I have noticed every freckle and the gaps between his teeth.  He is just like me in nearly every way and I'd never be able to deny him.  Yet, he sat before me that very morning and asked if I loved him because he needed reassurance. 

Aren't we like that though? Things start to change in our life and maybe it gets pretty uncomfortable. We start questioning God and need his reassurance. "Hey, God, everything is still okay, right?",  "You still love me,  God?"

He tells us time and time again of his love for us. The hair on our head is numbered. He loved us so much,  he sent his Son. Yet, we ask. Can you imagine what goes through His mind or how he feels when we ask Him? "How can he not know how much I love him?" "Does she not understand how much she is cherished by Me?" I think you get the idea. 

How I want so much for my sons to never question my love for them. I know this is probably the first of hopefully just a handful of times they ask if I love them.  I pray when I fail them in that area, (because I know I will), they  will never wonder about God's love for them and they'll come to me if they need reassurance of my love and let me whisper in their ear, "I love you" until that little question in their mind once again becomes an exclamation. 

If you're reading this,  I love you. God loves you way more! 

Until next time,  

ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon

To My Sons

Baby Boston,

I am going to be honest with you when I say, "I don't know how to do this". I don't know what having another child in my world will be like. Will I give you enough attention? Will your brother get enough attention? Can I do it? Sometimes I feel like I'm going to go crazy with just your older brother. Will having another son make me lose all sanity?
We have almost 7 weeks until your due date and I have nothing ready for you. I don't know where to start. So much time and effort was put into things I thought would be important when I was pregnant with your brother. I now know, looking back, it wasn't necessary and somewhat a waste of time and energy. So I choose to skip those things this time around and make sure you have necessities. Diapers, clothes, and a place to sleep.

In all the questions, all the unknown; I want you to know one thing. No matter what, you are loved. Above the confusion, the uncertainty, the chaos I know will ensue, you will be loved. You will be cherished. You are wanted! When you cry, I'll hold you. I'll snuggle you. I'll comfort you in any way I can. I will do my best to be the best for you. I don't know what we're walking into here in just a few weeks but I know you will fulfill our lives in a way we didn't even know needed fulfilling. God gave you to me and chose me to be your mommy. I don't take that lightly. We're all ready to meet you! Our prayer is that you continue to grow healthy, smart, and strong. We'll see you in just a few short weeks!


Beringer Boy,
Son, where do I begin with you? I can't believe you are two years old. I know from here on out I will be saying this every year on your birthday. You are my pride and joy. We have a special bond that can never be broken. You have taught me so many things and I'm sure this is only the beginning. I love to see your love for life. Your love of music! I pray you will be a good big brother. I pray you will be a protector and a leader. I pray that in life you will live up to your name and have courage like a bear. Stand for what's right and true. I pray I can teach you how to be an honest, Godly man. In a few weeks, your world will change and although you don't know it yet, having a sibling will be the coolest thing in the world. You will have a friend for life (just don't go all Cain and Abel. Seriously, don't!).

You are loved. You were loved from the first moment I knew of you. You have been loved, and you will forever be loved. Know that I will always be your biggest fan in life. I will stand behind you. When you screw up, because that's just part of life, I will stand back and let you learn your lesson, then I will tell you to get up and keep going. Don't be a quitter and always persevere. You are strong. You are a child of the King!

My boys,

I am your mother. I have carried you within me. I have spent and will spend sleepless nights holding you, rocking you, comforting you. I will first and foremost be your mama before anything else. You give me joy, peace, frustration, gray hair.. I will pray for you, guide you, teach you, and when it's time for me to let you be men and live your lives, I will let you go. My love and prayers will follow you.

Love always,
Mommy

Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations".

Joshua 1:6a "Be strong and of a good courage..."

For Moms Only...Let's Be Real

Hey guys, if you didn't know it; we're pregnant again and having a boy. His name will be Boston James and he is due the first week of June. For the time being it looks like I'll continue to be a "boy mom" and I'm perfectly okay with that.
I'd like to think I will have it a little easier since I have experienced this before with Beringer but if I'm being real with you...I'm also a little terrified. Why? Because it's new. Because I don't know what it will look like. Because even now I carry most of the load of raising our son and will be doing it with two in just a few short months. Can I do it? Of course I can. Will God give me strength, wisdom, and guidance on how to be the best mom I can be for my boys? Without a doubt, He will. Maybe it's the hormones talking; the lack of sleep, or whatever you want to chalk it up to but even now I am emotionally, physically, and spiritually drained at the end of the day. Don't misunderstand. I love my son. I love my husband. I love the son growing inside me. I couldn't imagine doing life without them. But how do I recharge myself?

Moms, how do you do it? Let's be real. Give me some pointers. Me writing this right now is literally the first thing I've done in a while that I enjoy doing for myself but I'm also writing this layimg next to my sleeping son who wakes up within minutes of me leaving the bed. By the time Beringer goes go sleep at night and I'm relaxed enough for some "me time" my brain is too tired to do anything of use. I've tried a nice bubble bath to wind down but I either get disgusted because I realize I need to scrub the tile or a little boy wants to join me to play with the bubbles and his toys. I've tried reading books but those are few and far between. If I just try to be still and spend some alone time with God (for the few sporatic minutes of silence I do have here and there) my mind wanders on everything. I can't focus. The hour I get in church on Sundays by myself is sometimes the only calm I get during the week...I'm just being real. Half the time I don't even go to the bathroom or shower alone. Most of the time I'm okay with this but sometimes I just can't.

I have an awesome mom's group that gets together when we can for zoo trips and play dates. They show me I'm not alone in this. Many are going through the same things on different levels.

I just feel like I'm in a constant cycle of being wife and mommy, house keeper, laundry doer, grocery shopper, bill payer and on and on and on. I don't work full time outside of home. I barely work part time. Yet, my plate is always full.
Josh works oilfield and works either 12hr shifts or days at a time depending on the job. He was just gone for 2 weeks straight down in Texas. This is hard. I am beyond thankful he has the job he does and that he works as hard as he does for us. Here's what's more difficult. When he comes home, he wants to rest. He wants to do what he wants to do. And most of the time he gets exactly what he wants. Mom's, I'm not trying to bash my hardworking husband. I have my own flaws I know he can easily point out. That's not what I'm trying to do here. How did you find a happy medium with your husbands? I'm still trying to find mine and although it's tiresome and cumbersome; sometimes I find it's easier to just stop asking, nagging, and dropping hints and just do whatever it is on my own.

I'm truly not trying to make this a pity party. I am very aware others have it much harder than I do. I can think of several people right now I would not want to trade places with and thank God for thr countless blessings He's given and continues to give. I have family who would drop everything and be there in an instant if I asked them to (I have asked before). But let's be real, my son is not their responsibility. They do watch him for me when I go to work a few hours twice a week and on the occasional date night. They love it. Beringer loves it. I love that they have that time together.

I'm looking for advice from moms who have been where I am at currently. Be real with me. What helps? What doesn't? For me; for today, it was a hard ugly-cry session.


This post probably didn't help anyone today but it was therapeutic to me.

Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon

Decisions Decisions

It's been a little bit since I wrote last and within the last week I have been wanting to sit down and write again. Josh and I celebrated 5 years of marriage this last weekend. I can't believe it's been 5 years already. As I look back at our relatively short time we've been married God has led us through so much and all I can do is praise Him for his goodness to us. We've been through nursing school (twice; if you don't know the story, ask me later), we've been through the oilfield slowing down tremendously, Josh having to be off of work because of his eye issue he had for a while there, his father with cancer, living in a duplex in Burns Flat to living in our camper for a year (while going through nursing school), then buying a house, and lastly having our son. We have had several ups and downs but God has always been faithful.

Beringer is almost 19 months old now and he amazes me every day. He talks constantly and is always asking to watch "HooHooHaaHaa" which being interpreted means Curious George. He loves running after our chickens, feeding them, and watering them. He is always wanting to go outside and explore. He is sassy, loveable, smart, and loves to have stories read to him.

Since Beringer has come along and turned our world upside down I am learning more and more how at the end of the day all that matters is family. I've been working through some personal things the last month or so and God continues to speak these words over me, "I have made you. I have chosen you to be the wife and mother you are". I remind myself of these words when I get angry, hurt, upset, or frustrated... with those around me. Some do not understand because they do not have children of their own or are just plain rude. Others just like to give me advice on how I should be doing things differently for my son because of how they raised their own children. In turn, I choose not to be around those who frustrate/hurt me because of their lack of knowledge/experience and for those who give me advice on how to raise Beringer I just remind them they already had the opportunity to raise their children and the choices I make in raising mine is of my concern alone. Then I go in the bedroom, hold my son, and pray for patience and peace. God reminds me of who I am. He reminds me of the most important task He has given me. He reminds me how He has equipped me with everything I'll need to fulfill His purpose in my life. I am growing. I am changing. It hurts but it is liberating. I am making new revelation. Don't get me wrong. I am not saying I know everything there is to being a mother. I listen to wise counsel and heed sound advice but when I am belittled for my choices or excluded because of my son, I have to decide how to handle each situation as they come. Some are easier to make than others but each decision is made with my son's best interest in mind. It all comes down to family. They are what matter.

I guess my point is this: Things are going to happen in life that will make you re-evaluate decisions, ways you are living, how time is spent. People will come and people will go. Everyone will have an opinion or their two cents to put in. There are those that will say they want to spend time with you but make no attempts at seeing you. People will hurt you. It is what you do in response that matters. It's about loving in spite of anger or hurt. It's about who's still standing there beside you when the dust settles. It's about family or those you consider family.

I would love to sit and write so much more but I can't. Beringer just woke up and he needs to go back to sleep. Just remember who is important. If you're a mom struggling with some of the issues I talked about above- YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You are valuable, important, and have a high calling. You are raising sons and daughters to grow up to be loving, respectable, honest adults. You have to make decisions for them now that will allow them to thrive. Whether that means stepping away from people who don't understand how truly valuable your child is or if it means to stand your ground on decisions you've made in raising your child; God will guide you. Let him.

Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon

Ain't Nobody Got Time for That

To be a friend you must show yourself friendly. My mom always told me growing up I wouldn't have friends if I didn't talk to the group of kids on the playground and ask them to play. She was right. Sometimes I would leave the playground having no friends because I was too shy or scared and other times I wouldn't want to leave because of the new friends I had made.
Today I have 2 or 3 people (outside of my family) that I consider close friends. They can call me up on the phone when we haven't talked in weeks and it's no big deal. They can show up in pj's and a messy bun unannounced and I wouldn't bat an eye. We can cry, laugh, and even disagree with no fear of judgement.
Here's the weird thing; I'm not that great of a friend. Let's be honest. I don't respond to texts all the time. I ignore phone calls when I'm busy, can't handle drama, or simply don't want to talk. I don't always empathize well and I am normally pretty blunt. I have these awesome ideas of lunch dates, dinner dates, movies, etc. with friends. In reality, I don't have that kind of time or motivation. I have a kid and so do most of my friends. Unless you want to come to my house, pop open a bottle of wine, and chit chat while I make dinner, (or my kid naps, or he's running around naked on the back porch). That is about the extent most of the time of my friendly get togethers.
Sometimes this is very difficult. "Couple Friends" are nearly nonexistent. Josh doesn't have a set schedule. He works crazy hours and the time he does have at home we try to spend with our little family, extended family, or occasionally a date night. The idea of getting together with another couple to do something is a pipe dream at this point in time. Believe me when I say I'm not complaining. It's just where we are in life right now. Outside of work and family we don't have much down time and if we do we don't have friends we can call up on a whim to get together with anyway.
Maybe this is a phase of life everyone goes through. Maybe we just don't put in enough effort in this area of our lives, who knows. If you're my friend, thanks for being there when I'm not that awesome of a friend. To those who just want to hang out with a messy bun and pajama bottoms with little chance of going on an outing; let's make it happen.

Not sure that there was really any big point to this post. There was just a lot on my mind and I needed it out. If you are where I am in life; here's a shout out to you. If you've been where I am now, tell me if there's a solution to this conundrum. If you have no idea what I'm talking about then you are probably one of those people on Facebook going out all the time with friends and I'm sitting there wondering where your kids are (Sorry).

Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon

Ain't Nobody Got Time for That

To be a friend you must show yourself friendly. My mom always told my growing up I wouldn't have friends if I didn't talk to the group of kids on the playground and ask them to play. She was right. Sometimes I would leave the playground having no friends because I was too shy or scared and other times I wouldn't want to leave because of the new friends I had made.
Today I have 2 or 3 people (outside of my family) that I consider close friends. They can call me up on the phone when we haven't talked in weeks and it's no big deal. They can show up in pj's and a messy bun unannounced and I wouldn't bat an eye. We can cry, laugh, and even disagree with no fear of judgement.
Here's the weird thing; I'm not that great of a friend. Let's be honest. I don't respond to texts all the time. I ignore phone calls when I'm busy, can't handle drama, or simply don't want to talk. I don't always empathize well and I am normally pretty blunt. I have these awesome ideas of lunch dates, dinner dates, movies, etc. with friends. In reality, I don't have that kind of time or motivation. I have a kid and so do most of my friends. Unless you want to come to my house, pop open a bottle of wine, and chit chat while I make dinner, (or my kid naps, or he's running around naked on the back porch). That is about the extent most of the time of my friendly get togethers.
Sometimes this is very difficult. "Couple Friends" are nearly nonexistent. Josh doesn't have a set schedule. He works crazy hours and the time he does have at home we try to spend with our little family, extended family, or occasionally a date night. The idea of getting together with another couple to do something is a pipe dream at this point in time. Believe me when I say I'm not complaining. It's just where we are in life right now. Outside of work and family we don't have much down time and if we do we don't have friends we can call up on a whim to get together with anyway.
Maybe this is a phase of life everyone goes through. Maybe we just don't put in enough effort in this area of our lives, who knows. If you're my friend, thanks for being there when I'm not that awesome of a friend. To those who just want to hang out with a messy bun and pajama bottoms with little chance of going on an outing; let's make it happen.

Not sure that there was really any big point to this post. There was just a lot on my mind and I needed it out. If you are where I am in life; here's a shout out to you. If you've been where I am now, tell me if there's a solution to this conundrum. If you have no idea what I'm talking about then you are probably one of those people on Facebook going out all the time with friends and I'm sitting there wondering where your kids are (Sorry).

Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon

Just One

Hold the phone! No, seriously. Hang on just a minute. One whole year ago I brought a baby boy into this world. That was a year ago? I don't know how I feel about my little boy already being one year old. I know I can't slow down time but oh, how I wish I could. I will admit, I cried on his birthday. My son can walk and talk and let you know exactly how he feels about something. He is smart. He is funny. HE IS SASSY! He knows how to push my buttons and give me the silliest grin when he is in trouble and he knows it. He's one of the best things that's ever happened in my life.

Nearly every night I pray and ask God to guide me in raising Beringer. I want Beringer to know Christ. Not just know ABOUT Him; not just sing songs or hear stories but truly KNOW God the Father and have a personal relationship with Him. It's my job to lead by example. Do the words I say and the things I do show my son his mother has relationship with Jesus? I know he's just one but he's still watching and listening. Yes, he's just one but he's taking in the world around him like a sponge.

Just one. How many things happen with "just one"...? It takes just one word to bring laughter or tears. Just one touch to bring love or pain. Just one smile to brighten someone's day. Just one glare to turn a day dark. Just one choice can bring life or death. How strong is the realization of just one?! Just one person can change the world. Just one person did change the world when He took our sins to the cross.

My Beringer boy is just one yet, he has a lifetime of "just one's" ahead of him. I, as his mother, must remember that my "just one's" impact his life daily. It takes one remark to build confidence or tear it down. It takes one glance to know if I'm watching him and taking interest in what he's doing. One kiss and one hug to let him know he is loved. As he lies asleep beside me I thank God for giving me this blue-eyed, mischievous, little boy and pray that my never ending list of just ones will be mostly positive and uplifting. I know I will falter and make mistakes like every parent does but hopefully my positive outweighs the negative.

So do you get the point of this post? The world is made up of thousands of just one's. Don't take it lightly. Choose wisely, walk humbly.


Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon

Consider the Ant

Have you ever just sat in the grass and watched ants work? I remember doing this as a child and was always amazed at how strong the ants were. They were always busy! I mean seriously, have you ever seen an ant sleeping?... I didn't think so. I'd sit and watch them and then feel bad for just watching so I'd have to get up and find something to do.

Proverbs 6:6 says,"Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise".

Many places in the Bible it talks about laziness and never once is it looked at in a positive light. Now it does talk about resting, having a day of rest, etcetera. Don't get laziness and rest mixed up. These are two very different things. Laziness is a choice whereas rest is a necessity.

I've never understood the mind set of a lazy person nor will I ever understand. From a very young age I was taught to work. Whether it was by helping around the house with chores or earning money for different things I wanted. I remember being 10 years old and riding my bike through the neighborhood with a friend, asking to wash people's cars for money! As I got older I babysat, saved aluminum cans, delivered groceries, threw news papers... there was always some way to make money for the different things I wanted. My parents made sure I and my siblings had what we needed and they sometimes just gave us things they knew we wanted because they loved us. They loved us enough though also to teach us the value of hard work and the pitfalls of a lazy character.

Proverbs 13:4 - The soul of the sluggard desireth, and [hath] nothing: but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat.

There's a law of reaping and sowing. Whatever you 'plant' is what you will get back. This law is with anything in life. If you only give 50% in a relationship, that's probably what you're going to get back and the relationship will suffer. If you want to have a steak dinner but work just long enough to earn hot dogs and macaroni and cheese; guess what you're going to eat for dinner?

A friend I know works her tail off and has allowed me to use some of her story. She has two sons and a fiancé. Because she has the ability to make a better income right now rather than her fiancé, she is the breadwinner while he stays home with their kids. I've known this woman to work nearly a month straight in order to have the overtime hours so she could put money in savings. She works hard and provides well for her family. Her bills are paid. Food is on the table. Clothes are on her kid's backs, and on top of her full time job, she also has a second job selling makeup. I'm happy to say she's going back to school soon to become a nurse and I guarantee you she'll succeed. Why? Because laziness is not part of her character.

Proverbs 10:4 - He becometh poor that dealeth [with] a slack hand: but the hand of the diligent maketh rich.

I understand everyone needs a hand up at some point in life but if that hand up turns into a constant hand out; that's a problem. Be vigilant. Are you letting pride get in the way when you turn down a job flipping burgers or a custodian position because you think you're better than that job? Will that job put food on the table and pay the electric bill? It may not be a dream job but don't wait for the dream job to fall in your lap all the while your debt is piling up.

Colossians 3:23 - And whatsoever ye do, do [it] heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men.

I end with this: regardless of your position in life; work hard! Take pride in what you do and give it 100%. No one starts at the top, but with hard work and dedication, goals can be achieved. Laziness will get you absolutely nowhere positive in life. Consider the ants and learn something new.

Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon

Let Me Hold You

"Let me hold you". I feel like I've been saying this a lot the last few weeks. My Beringer boy has both top teeth coming in at the same time and he's also learned different tactics to help him fight sleep. Naps haven't been difficult. It's when he goes down for the night that it's like a switch has been flipped and all of a sudden he fights sleep like he's in a boxing ring. I'll never understand why babies fight sleep like they do.
When he starts getting tired he comes to me for comfort. He wants me to hold him and let him nurse. When his eyes start to get heavy and his lids start to close is when he begins to fight. He will move away from me, begin go chatter, kick his feet, wave his arms, and slap himself- just so he won't fall asleep. It is during this time I begin rocking him and saying, "Let me hold you, son". "Let me rock you". "Let me hold you". And I question why he feels the need to fight. Wouldn't it just be easier to just rest?
I found myself asking these questions today as I tell my tired child, "Let me hold you". When I said this aloud to him, I felt my Heavenly Father whisper the same phrase to me. Then I cried.
The last month or two has been very difficult for me. I'm exhausted, not only physically, but emotionally, spiritually, and any other way you can be- just plain tired. Don't misunderstand, I'm not depressed. I don't need the next best energy pill or diet. I'm beyond thankful for the role God has given me as wife and mother. I'm just exhausted. I know too that I'm not the only woman who has felt this way. You know what it is like to try keeping the balance of responsibilities- cooking, cleaning, laundry, bathing, feeding, comforting, (both son and husband) etc. That's just the tip of the iceberg if we're being honest but for sake of time I'll go no further. I feel worn out!
So like I said earlier, I began crying. God's soft words were a balm. "Let me hold you". I can find rest in my Saviour. He was simply reminding me. How many times have we 'fought sleep'? All the while God was rocking, whispering, "Just let me hold you". But, for whatever reason, we continue to fight and He just shakes his head and wonders why. We don't see how if we'd just rest, we'd be better off. We come to the Father for comfort but when He wants us to give in completely we begin to chatter, kick our feet, and wave our arms around.
Here's the point- find rest in the Saviour. We weren't created to do life alone. He wants to walk right beside us. He is Comforter. Find comfort in Him. When life gets tough and you're exhausted, He is waiting, whipering, "Let Me hold you".

Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon

It's Okay, Mama!

Well, my Beringer boy is 6 months old and growing like a weed! I can't believe it was 6 months ago we were bringing him home from the hospital and I was a brand-spankin' new mom terrified I was gonna accidentally break my newborn. Don't get me wrong, I'm still pretty new at being a mom but it's okay.

It's okay that my laundry isn't getting folded after each load, at least it's washed. It's okay that once it's folded it may not be put away for another week.
It's okay that the house isn't getting dusted as often as I'd like or that I now wait to wash the dinner dishes until the next morning.
It's okay that I'm in bed between 8-9PM now because my son doesn't go to sleep without me. It's okay that I have a bit of insomnia nowadays. I'm still getting the sleep I need somehow.
It's okay that my body may never be what it once was. It's okay that these stretch marks will be a reminder of the child that grew within me.
It's okay I'm not getting many hours at work.
It's okay that I make a Walmart list and forget it or forget to get everything on the list.
It's okay that my hair is still falling out because my hormones are trying to get back to pre-baby.
It's okay that I don't want my son to get the flu shot at 6 months old.
It's okay that Beringer "still" breastfeeds and I don't see an end to it any time soon.
It's okay that nursing is a comfort to him.
It's okay when I play Troubadour to settle him down in the truck.
It's okay that sometimes I cry with him when his teeth are bothering him.
It's okay I cry tears of pure joy because God blessed me with a healthy baby boy.
It's okay Josh and I don't always get alone time.
It's okay that for our 4 year anniversary neither of us really wanted to go out because we'd rather spend a quiet evening at home.
It's okay that I second guess myself when I'm not sure.
It's okay that I'm a bit of an introvert and don't want to go to play dates or small group.
It's okay I don't always get dressed for the day at a decent hour or that I may not get out of my pajamas at all.

Here's the point: IT'S OKAY!! It may not be perfect at times. It may not be the most ideal or the most fun at times but it's okay. Today might be difficult but you'll be okay. Don't worry, tomorrow may be 10 times better.
You may not have all the answers but that's okay. There's a Heavenly Father who does have the answers so don't sweat it.
It'll all be okay! Take a breath, count to 10, grab that cup of cold coffee you've been trying to drink all morning and thank God for another sunrise.


Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon

So this is Morherhood

What?! I'm a mom now? You mean I have the responsibility of this little guy? His well being is in MY hands? No amount of motherhood books or motherly advice could have prepared me for this amazing new journey I have begun.

So what is motherhood to me? Oh, just let me tell you what I've learned so far!
Motherhood is: waking up to rock-hard breasts leaking everywhere, a rather large wet spot on the sheets found in the middle of the night where somehow my son has peed out the side of his diaper. Motherhood is spit up in my hair, in my bed, on my clothes, and just about anywhere else if I'm not careful. Motherhood is cold coffee in the mornings because as soon as I make it and am ready to sit down to enjoy that first cup something has prevented me from doing so. Motherhood is tattooed dark circles under the eyes because from now on a full 8 hours of sleep is something to laugh at.
Motherhood is a constant cycle of laundry, dishes, and meal planning. Motherhood is breastfeeding on demand whenever and wherever I am. It's listening to Troubadour over and over again because that's what my son will settle down to while in the car seat. It's sometimes a feeling of doing it all on your own, well because let's face it...you're the mom. I think only being a mom will allow you to understand that. Motherhood is a slew of dirty diapers and changes of clothes. It's laying him down for the fourth time after breastfeeding to nap but as soon as he's out of my arms he begins to cry. Motherhood is finding 'me time' in the shower for a few minutes before I resume responsibilities. It's finding that I'm basically a milk factory.
It's asking for help when I absolutely need it but feel bad because "I should be able to do it all" (according to me). I know, I know, I'm not superwoman! Motherhood is trying to make sure my marriage hasn't taken a backseat. It's finding that intimacy is still painful. Motherhood is not only trying to take care of my newborn but also my husband because he doesn't begin to comprehend the ins and outs of my new role as a mother.

Now, let me tell you what else I've learned of motherhood. It's never knowing I could love this much. Motherhood is waking up every morning to a bright, blue-eyed boy who has turned my world upside down. It's listening to every coo he makes. Listening to his breathing while he's asleep in my arms. Motherhood is watching him suckle at my breast, knowing we are creating a bond that will last long after he stops breastfeeding. It's every diaper change, knowing he depends on me for every little thing. Motherhood is knowing when he cries for me it's because he wants me; he knows my smell; he knows my voice. He takes comfort in my touch. Motherhood is holding him a little longer than necessary because I know this time is fleeting.
Motherhood is learning to have a deeper relationship with my husband because we created this beautiful child out of love and he was by my side when Beringer came into this world. Motherhood is looking at every inch of my child and being amazed at the intricate design of him. It's taking joy when I realize he's discovered something new. It's every smile, every yawn, every stretch, every cry. Motherhood is thanking God for every part of this amazing humbling journey because I could have never asked for anything better.

Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon

Go Away, Snow!

Am I right or am I right? As much as I like the snow, it's time for the snow to go. It's March now! Time to move on out!
I can't believe I haven't written in so long! It feels like it was just a few weeks ago rather than nearly 3 months ago.
Where to begin....I am now 34wk5dy along in the pregnancy. Nearly 5 weeks left! I can't believe it! The first few weeks of the 3rd trimester went by fairly quick but now the count down has begun to drag. I want Baby B to stay in there as long as he needs to but not a minute more than that. Josh and I are both ready for him to finally come out and play! I wake up nearly every morning to Baby B's squirming and kicking around and I love it. Our special time together is when I first wake up and when I get in bed at night. Most of the time kicking and squirming is how he wakes me up. Josh has said on several occasions Josh wakes up in the middle of the night to Baby B kicking his back when I'm snuggled up against him. Josh will role over and talk to him. We have found our little one recognizes our voices, loves music, likes his space, and surprisingly we have found that he is ticklish. Josh can lightly tickle my tummy and Baby B will try to move away from him. It's getting a little more difficult now seeing as he does not have as much room as he used to have.
We had the baby shower last week and for freezing temperatures and the start of snow we had a really great turn out! We received many things we needed and the things we didn't receive we got plenty of gift cards to help take care of the rest. If you attended, or sent gifts, or simply helped set up and take down- THANK YOU! It meant so much to us to have the support of friends and family present in the celebration of our soon coming baby boy.
I am amazed daily about the little miracle growing inside me. I thank God every day for this little boy and pray he continues to grow big and strong during the time he has left inside me. He already brings me and josh so much joy; I can't imagine what it'll be like when he finally does get here.

As most of you know, oilfield slowed down for about a month or two there which means Josh also slowed down quite a bit too. Thankfully, things have started to pick back up -at least for him anyway-. He has been home maybe 2 days this last week and although I miss him I'm glad he has a job. I'm glad he's a hard worker and is ready and willing to do just about anything they ask of him. He is training on a new tool on the job he's at right now and he's been out there since Friday morning. Nope, they don't shut down for snow or ice and he works in it. He doesn't complain or whine or grumble and I respect him so much for the man he is.
I was supposed to work this weekend but have some sort of cold thing going on so someone covered my shifts for me. Between not being able taking cold medicine and residents at the facility who are coming down with colds and me not feeling good anyway and not wanting to pass on my germs; I figured home was the best place to be. I have spent the last two days in bed either sleeping or reading. Today I am starting to feel better but still don't have a ton of energy.

We have another baby doctor appointment tomorrow afternoon. I am not sure what will be happening over the next few weeks at these appointments but I am happy to say we are down to weekly visits now! This is just another sign that the end is drawing near! We have our birthing class scheduled for the 14th this month and I can only hope we both walk away learning something crucial we will need when it is time for delivery. If you don't know, I am wanting to have this baby as naturally as possible. No medications or epidurals or anything. Now, you can be reading this thinking I am crazy,and maybe I am, but I have always wanted to do it this way for as long as I can remember wanting a child. I am afraid and nervous and everything in between, but here's something else I am -fearfully and wonderfully made! God will give me the strength I need and the power to do what I was created as a woman to do. Don't misunderstand me, if you had an epidural or medication or C-section or whatever I am not looking down on you or think you less of a woman in any way; to each their own. For me personally, I believe I am supposed to have this Baby without any of those things. So when you get the announcement that I've gone into labor here's what I want most from you: YOUR PRAYERS!

I know I say this nearly every time I write but here I am to say it again. God never stops amazing me. I see His hand constantly! Whether it's in the kicks and jolts my son likes to give me on a daily basis, or guiding us through the tight spots when the oilfield slowed down, or like now, when Josh has had one job after another the last week and half. God is faithful in everything and sees us through.

If you're having a hard time right now with faith or trust in God or you feel like you don't see him working in your life. Hear me when I say, we all feel that way at times. We wonder how he is working certain situations for his honor and glory when all we see is the devil fighting hard. GOD IS BIGGER! No, we don't always see how God works but here's the awesome thing; whether we see it or not- He is. He loves us beyond measure and knows the number of hairs on our head. He sent his Son not to condemn the world but to save it. So no, He's not sitting up in heaven with lightening bolts waiting to strike when we screw up. He waiting for you to come to Him and ask for help and forgiveness. Even when we don't ask for his help all the time because we don't realize we need it or are too stubborn to ask, He helps us out anyway. He's good all the time! Just hang on! The Master painter is painting a masterpiece in your life.


Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon

It's a Boy!

That's right, everyone! We are having a boy! We found out Monday and got to see his little face,  hands, feet, and hear his heartbeat again. The ultrasound tech was able to tell right off the bat we have a little boy growing in there. We debated back and forth for a long time whether we were going to invite our mom's to go with us but in the end decided it should just be him and me. I think that was the best decision and it was very special for us.
That night we met our parents, my sister, and her husband at a steakhouse and bought everyone blue drinks to make the announcement! There was hollering and cheering and clapping and apparently there were bets being made between our parents on the way to the steakhouse.
I am now 18 weeks along and feel great. The baby is moving more and more. Josh was able to feel him move for the first time just the other day. Yes, I cried and he was so excited! Baby B was kicking up a storm there for a little while.
 We took about a week off from work and painted the nursery monkey colors! Our theme is Curious George...if anyone wanted to know. We also finished some stuff on the 'honey-do list' that has been needing to get done for a while. Josh woke up this morning pretty sick. I must say this is the first time I have taken care of Josh while he is actually sick (not just a cough and runny nose). Thankfully, we don't get sick that often I guess.
We just recently celebrated our three year anniversary! It's seems like we just got married a few months ago at times and here we are expecting our first baby. It has been a roller coaster ride so far and I think we are about to get on a new roller coaster filled with loops, dark tunnels, and a few sharp turns. It's all about who's sitting in the seat beside you though that makes the ride fun, right? I know I have the one God chose for me sitting right beside me. That's all that matters.  Sometimes I find myself taking a mental step back and seeing how our life is unfolding. I gotta say, this picture is way better than the one I ever imagined for myself. God continues to show us just exactly who He is and we are grateful every day for each of his blessings. I'm really trying to learn how to just be still and know that our awesome Heavenly Father has every single thing under His control. At times I get anxious about stuff and begin to worry but I am constantly reminded that He's got this! He's got the whole thing and all I need to do is enjoy the ride; trust Him. Sometimes that's easier said than done and it's a lesson I don't know if I will ever come to completely understand but I do know this- He's teaching me every single day.
I don't have anything too deep to say this go-around but sometimes it's the simple things that count. So here it is put simply- love God, love others, enjoy life, trust when life is fun AND when it gets rocky because God didn't promise that every step would be easy.
You'll hear from me again soon! Don't you know Autumn is my favorite season? I always find more things to write about when there are so many festivities!


Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon

It's About Time...

Since it has been over a year ago since I last posted anything I figured it was about time to do so.
Just about everything from A to Z has happened since my post last July; so I'll start with August of 2013.

August I started nursing school back up. I cried daily for about a week straight and a quite a few times in the months following. The idea that I was starting all over again was unbearable. I didn't think I had the strength or willpower to complete it. God came through; just like He always does. He strengthened me and maybe I didn't always push forward for the right reasons but nevertheless, I pushed on. Many times, it was out of the desire to prove to the previous teachers and director over me I was called to be a nurse, no matter what they thought about me. God has called me from a very young age to be a nurse and I could not let what they thought or said get in the way of what God had destined inside me. I spent 10 grueling months in a fast paced program! You know what though? I learned a heck of a lot more than I did before. I had teachers that wanted us to learn, believed in each one of us, and wanted to see us succeed. The whole class dynamics were much different. We were a team, a group on the same journey with the same goals in mind. Did I get along with everyone? Nope, quite a few people I couldn't stand but I had a group of people who became close and dear to me.
Fast forward to June 13th, 2014- I graduated from nursing school. Fast forward to August 4th, 2014- I took the NCLEX and passed. I am now a certified practical nurse!

Josh and I saved up some money and lived in our camper trailer for 1 year and 1 month. It was definitely an adventure and I would do it again in a heartbeat if we needed to. We learned so much about each other; how to work in a small environment together, and since we didn't have much room we learned how to just sit there and talk (when I wasn't studying). I became closer with his family and he with mine. In May, we bought our first house. I haven't figured out how to use all the room we have but I'm sure I'll find some way. We have an acre of land and a huge back porch; the back porch is my favorite part of the house.

Back in March, during spring break, Josh and I decided to start trying for a baby. About a week ago I took a pregnancy test that came back positive. Josh was away on a job and didn't have cell
service. He made me promise before he left if I found anything out I would tell him immediately. Although I wanted to wait for him to come home and tell him, I ended up sending him an email. (Boo; I know). Regardless, he was excited! We had our first appointment yesterday and according to the doctor I am just over 5 weeks pregnant and the estimated due date is April 7th, 2015. We are trying to not get too excited until after the 1st Trimester (just in case) but it's kind of hard when I can physically feel the changes going on in my body right now. We surprised our parents last Sunday when we had them over for a fish fry. They definitely were not expecting anything and it felt good to see so much excitement in their faces when we told them.

Father God never ceases to amaze me. His blessings flow abundantly. I know not everything in life is rainbows and butterflies but I can say I see His hand move in every situation; both good and bad. He may allow me to carry this baby full term and He may allow me to miscarry. I am aware either could be the result. I don't want to speak that over the baby growing inside. God knows my heart and knows the heart of my husband. All we can do now is trust and know his will is what we want most in our lives.

Since school is over and Summer is coming to a close, I am hoping to have more free time to write. I don't know who all reads my posts but it's a type of therapy for me that I have missed doing. If you read it, great; if you don't, that's okay too.

Until next time,
ActionJacksontheAngloSaxon